Post by snish on Nov 7, 2009 6:52:38 GMT -8
GARRISON PRODUCTIONS
CBS-TV
THE WILD WILD WEST
"The Night of the Flying Pie Plate"
by
Dan Ullman
REVISED FINAL DRAFT
#0302
August 23, 1966
#0302 Rev. 8/23/66
THE WILD WILD WEST
THE NIGHT OF THE FLYING PIE PLATE
EXECUTIVE PRODUCER
MICHAEL GARRISON
PRODUCER
BRUCE LANSBURY
ASSOCIATE PRODUCER
LEONARD KATZMAN
STORY CONSULTANT
HENRY SHARP
WRITTEN BY
DAN ULLMAN
SETS:
EXT. MAIN STREET
EXT. DESERT - VARIOUS AREAS
EXT. FLYING PIE PLATE LOCATION
INT. GLORY HOLE SALOON
INT. VICTOR'S OFFICE
INT. WEST'S HOTEL ROOM
EXT. CAMPSITE
INT. FLYING PIE PLATE
EXT. GLORY HOLE SALOON
EXT. ALLEYWAY
EXT. ROCKS
INT. WEST'S RAILROAD CAR
EXT. ASSAY OFFICE
INT. HOTEL LOBBY
CAST:
JAMES WEST - ROBERT CONRAD
ARTEMUS GORDON - ROSS MARTIN
BEN VICTOR
MORN
ALNA
PAN
WINGO
CALICO
JERRY
BYRON PETTIGREW
SIMON
BARTENDER
MINER #1
MINER #2
MINER #3
CORPORAL
TROOPER
Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302
T-1
Rev. 8/19/66
TEASER
FADE IN:
1. EXT. MAIN STREET - MORNING GLORY - NIGHT 1.
We're looking at a portrait of a Saturday night in a
western town--but a rip-roaring Saturday night, relaxing
after a hard day's occupation; and from the appearance
of the BOISTEROUS MEN who come barging in and out of the
"Glory Hole", the town's drinking emporium, we should get
the idea that the hard day's occupation of this town is
mining. (NOTE: this impression will be reinforced when,
later on, we get to see an Assay Office, and various
stores in which the working gear of miners are freely
displayed;
...but right now we are mostly aware of the melange of
Saturday Night NOISES coming from the gaudily-lighted
precincts of the Glory Hole; TINKLING PIANO, RAUCOUS
CONVERSATION, LAUGHTER, etc....
...and into and adding to all this, a GROUP of RIDERS
escorting a wagon come cantering and rolling into view,
pull up at a hitching post nearby: one rider dismounts...
...as CAMERA MOVES IN to show us that the rider is WEST.
The other FOUR MEN are U.S. CAVALRYMEN, two of them
mounted on horses, the other two riding on the wagon--
and when we will have a chance to examine the wagon
more closely, we will see that it is low, decked over,
and heavily and obviously armored; that, plus the outsized
wheels should give us the idea that it is built to
accomodate an immensely heavy, and immensely valuable
cargo.
2. ANOTHER ANGLE 2.X
West, in the middle of the road, surveys the area,
obviously looking for something specific, then, as he
walks purposefully out of view, we realize that he has
found it. HOLD for a beat on the remaining Cavalrymen,
and it is noteworthy that they not only remain mounted,
but that they continue to hold their rifles at the ready;
no relaxation here...
...then CAMERA ANGLES to show West approaching a small shop
that bears the legend ASSAY OFFICE, Ben Victor, Prop.
The heavily barred window displays only a gold scale and
a careless profusion of various ores. As West moves to
enter the shop's door, it opens and a BOOKEEPERISH LITTLE
MAN emerges, locking the door behind him. (The little
man is BYRON PETTIGREW.)
CONTINUED
Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 T-1A
Rev. 8/19/66
2. CONTINUED 2.
PETTIGREW
Closed for the night, Mister;
hang on to your gold dust till
morning.
WEST
This gold dust gets deposited
tonight; where do I find Ben
Victor?
PETTIGREW
(pointing)
He's likely over at the Glory Hole,
but he makes it a rule never to...
He stops talking and shrugs--West has turned on his heels
and is striding across the street toward the brassy-
looking saloon.
Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302
T-2
Rev. 8/19/66
2A. INT. GLORY HOLE - NIGHT 2A.
We are really looking over some first rate merrymaking
here; the kind of wild-eyed carousing that is so
delightfully typical of the Klondike--the big gold
strike--with the consequent "it's-only-money,-and-
there's-lots-more-where-this-came-from" attitudes of the
lurching, brawling MINERS at every hand. (As many
miners and "Glory girls" as the censor and Lennie will
let us have.)
3. ANOTHER ANGLE - AT DOOR 3.
A MINER lurches out through the swinging doors--West
neatly sidesteps him and enters. We see him ask something
of a scantily clad GLORY GIRL (we're too far away to HEAR)
and she, in turn, points off in another direction. West
obviously thanks her and moves out of view. HOLD on the
Glory girl looking after West approvingly...
4. ANOTHER ANGLE 4.
A restless-eyed, impeccably dressed man with a built-in
sardonic expression is seen sitting alone at a table,
nursing a drink and playing solitaire. (He is BEN
VICTOR.) West comes up to him and waits until Victor’s
eyes lift to him.
WEST
Ben Victor?
Victor's eyes measure West thoughtfully before he nods,
then back to his cards.
VICTOR
You're James West, of course.
WEST
I didn't think it showed.
VICTOR
Oh, it does; the incorruptible eyes--
that plus the federal jut of the jaw.
(gesturing at chair)
No extra charge for sitting down.
West inclines his head gravely and sits.
CONTINUED
Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 T-2A
Rev. 8/19/66
4. CONTINUED 4.
WEST
You got my telegram, I take it?
VICTOR
(nods, glances at
his watch)
You timed your arrival to the minute.
(to West)
Are all Federal Agents so prompt?
WEST
They are when they're sheep-
dogging merchandise of some
value.
VICTOR
I like the genteel way your put
that, Mr. West.
(a beat)
Your telegram mentioned that you'd
be needing vault space for the
temporary storage of your--
merchandise; might I ask how much
merchandise?
WEST
Twenty five hundred pounds of gold
dust.
VICTOR
(a beat--swallowing)
Over a million dollars worth...
WEST
(nodding, then,
politely)
I'm not keeping you from finishing
your drink, am I?
VICTOR
(smiles mirthlessly)
I think you made your point.
He tosses off his drink, then he and West both stand up,
just as:
Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302
T-3
Rev. 8/23/66
4. CONTINUED 4.
SIMON'S VOICE
Back! Draw back from the yawning
pit of eternal fire while there
is still a measure of time!
CAMERA ANGLES during the above to show that the swinging
doors have been flung aside by the powerful, bearded figure
of a man (SIMON) who stands in the doorway, eyes flashing,
one hand clutching a black, leather bound book as he raises
his arms high in gesture that is, at the same time, both
supplicating and threatening...
...and at once a CHORUS of BOOS and GROANS breaks out
from the patrons, which should make us realize that this
is an old, old (and highly unwelcome) story.
5. BACK TO WEST AND VICTOR 5.
as West turns back to Victor and raises an enquiring
eyebrow.
CONTINUED
Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 T-4
Rev. 8/23/66
5. CONTINUED 5.
VICTOR
(wryly)
Glory's own, self-appointed guardian
of its salvation, Hell-fire Simon.
WEST
Is he really a preacher?
VICTOR
No, but a little detail like that
isn't about to stop our Simon....
6. ANOTHER ANGLE - AT CARD TABLES 6.
The players shift uncomfortably in their chairs as Simon
strides up to them and raises his arms as if to direct
lightning bolts down on them from above:
SIMON
Go to! Huddle over the tables of
abomination, clutching the devil's
pasteboards! Lemmings! Blind,
heedless lemmings, all of you,
tumbling after each other in your
headlong plunge to destruction!
He wheels and goes to bar, directing more invisible
fire from above as he goes--and burly miners shrink
away from him on either side.
SIMON (CONT'D)
Swillers! Gulpers-down of the foul
water of the River Styx!
BARTENDER
(wearily)
Oh, come on now, Hell-fire...
Simon shakes two knotted fists over the long-suffering
bartender as he thunders:
SIMON
You! How many mortgaged souls
have you foreclosed today, spawn
of Belial!?
And suddenly he is sweeping the bar clean of glasses and
bottles, right and left, in an orgy of glass-smashing
destruction--a momentary time-lag, then a couple of miners
leap at Simon and pin his arms behind his back...
...while the outraged BARTENDER hustles out from behind the
bar and slams his fist into Simon's middle...
Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 T-5
Rev. 8/19/66
7. BACK TO WEST AND VICTOR 7.
West is suddenly moving, as if animated by a giant spring
--he strides up to the bartender just as he is about
to throw another punch at the face of Simon, still
pinioned by the miners...
....West whirls him around by his shoulder and sends hom
crumpling against the bar with a clean right to the jaw.
8. ANOTHER ANGLE 8.
As the two miners release their hold of Simon, (who
slumps against a table) and leap at West, arms
flailing;
...West stops one with a looping left that doubles
him up--bending low as he does so, to avoid the
roundhouse swing of the other miner, whose swing
carries him right onto West's back...
...and the built-in spring in West goes into operation
again as he straightens up violently, hurling the
sprawling miner into the air and crashing into a corner.
9. ANOTHER ANGLE 9.
And now West finds himself backing up beside Simon
as a circle of murderous-looking miners get to their
feet and converge on him, one or two with clasp knives
whose gleaming blades are unleashed for the occasion,
during which the bartender straightens up, his face
still twisted with anger as he says:
BARTENDER
You asked for this, Mister. Look
what that fire-eatin’ son of a
circuit rider done to my bar!
Without once taking his eyes from the converging,
menacing circle, West reaches into his pocket...
...and comes up with a gold coin that he flips in
the direction of the bartender.
WEST
Here, buy yourself a temperance
pledge.
And now, just as he is bracing himself for the deadly
rush of fists and gleaming knife blades, we HEAR the
KEENING, ULULATING SOUND, FAINTLY at first, then RISING
IN INTENSITY until the atmosphere vibrates with its
CLAMOR...
...and suddenly West finds that the deadly circle
has broken as there is a stampede for the doors...
Night of the Flying Pie Plate T-6
Rev. 8/15/66
10. EXT. OUTSIDE GLORY HOLE - NIGHT 10.
...and the miners come pouring out into the strident night,
followed by West. They look around, then one miner raises
his head to the sky and we see his eyes widening as he stares
aloft, his face lighted by a weird glow:
MINER
Great balls o' fire! There she is..!
All eyes turn heavenward, as CAMERA ANGLES to show a dull-
red oval drifting across the sky, a collar of green and
yellow lights flashing on and off, and unmistakeably, almost
unbearably loud now, the KEENING NOISE is coming from the
celestial disk...
...then it has passed overhead nosing down as it goes,
until its passage is hidden by the low-lying hills...
...and suddenly, the keening NOISE is replaced by a
TREMENDOUS CRASH, then a phosphorescent pillar of smoke
writhes its way into the sky, bringing an unearthly daylight
quality to the night...
...and the stunned, fascinated hush of the group is
shattered as we HEAR:
SIMON'S VOICE
And Fiery chariots, bearing hosts of
death and retribution will seek out
the thrice-warned, eternally damned...!
During the above, CAMERA WILL ANGLE to show Simon, who has
emerged, his face lighted up by the unearthly glow and the
fierce triumph that transfigures him--then CAMERA MOVES ON
and HOLDS on West and his grimly bewildered expression, as
we
FADE OUT:
END TEASER
Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 I-7
Rev. 8/19/66
ACT ONE
FADE IN:
11. EXT. RISING GROUND - NIGHT 11.
We see the miners toiling up the slope, from which we
hear a low, HUMMING SOUND, some with lanterns, some without,
but all scrambling and clawing their way upward in their
eagerness to see what lies beyond...
12. ANOTHER ANGLE 12.
West and Victor are in another group making their way up
the rise--and from the POV we can see several miners who
have reached the brow, peered over, and we see them recoil
at what they see...
...more miners reach the brow, peer over, and they, like
the others react with fear and incredulity...
13. ANOTHER ANGLE - ON WEST AND VICTOR 13.
SHOOTING DOWN on them as they make their way up the rise,
elbowing their way through the group of miners staring
down fascinatedly, West and Victor top the rise, stare
and we see their faces twisted with the incredulity we see
on all the others; then CAMERA PULLS BACK--AND UP, over
the MUCH LOUDER HUMMING SOUND...
...until finally we see it, resting in a crater-like
depression (see fig. 37) from which wisps of vapor or
smoke rise, a gleaming dull-red, metallic disk, maybe ten
feet in diameter, six feet high, a circular mass of metal
ribbed and embossed with an intricate pattern...
...and surmounting it, a small tower that revolves slowly,
sending beams of reflected radiance darting across the
faces of the awed onlookers. (Actually a fancied-up police
car revolving warning light.)
14. CLOSE ON WEST AND VICT OR 14.
OVER A BABBLE of Miner's awed comments, like:
MINER'S VOICES
(simultaneous)
Whatever it is, it's glowin' like
it's red hot!--Must'a hit plenty hard
the way it plowed into the ground--
what d'yfigger that little dingus
is that keeps goin' around?--Can't
be no meteorite, not with all them (X)
fancy markin's...! etc.
CONTINUED
Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 I-8
Rev. 8/23/66
14. CONTINUED 14.
We see that Victor is still as sardonic as ever as he
turns to West but his quickened breathing betrays the
fact that he is not as calm as he appears.
VICTOR
Well, Mr. West?
(pointing to disk)
Got any answers?
WEST
No--but I have a few questions...
During this he has started to make a few tentative steps
closer to the disk, then he stops as the HUMMING SOUND
INCREASES IN INTENSITY, and a FLAT, METALLICALLY AMPLIFIED
VOICE is HEARD.
METALLIC VOICE
Halt--do--not--advance--any--further.
And West halts. Victor registers visible disappointment
at this.
VICTOR
Fear, Mr. West?
WEST
Let's call it--discretion.
SIMON'S VOICE
(exulting)
Behold--a sign! A sign of the terrible
wrath to come!
CAMERA ANGLES to show Simon appearing on the crest of the
hill, his disarrayed, long hair and his streaming beard
giving the appearance of an Old Testament Prophet
(or John Brown). During the following, he advances
toward the disk, deaf to the ominous SOUND OF HUMMING
RISING IN INTENSITY.
METALLIC VOICE
Halt--do--not--advance--any--further.
SIMON
(raising wildly imploring (X)
hands to the disk)
I call upon you to destroy this
Sodom and Gomorrah, this Morning Glory, (X)
this abomination in the eyes of...
CONTINUED
Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 I-9
Rev. 8/15/66
14. CONTINUED 14.
The HUMMING has reached a very HIGH INTENSITY during the
above, and suddenly Simon is lifted into the air and
hurled back as if by a tremendous invisible force...
15. ANOTHER ANGLE 15.
The miners hurry up to the stunned figure of Simon,
sprawled on the ground quite some distance away from the
disk--and as they crowd about him, one lifts his head
and looks back, reacts, then the others follow suit...
...as a collective GASP GOES UP from the crowd--now we
see that, silently, smoothly, a hinged panel in the side
of the disk is rising, exposing the multi-lighted interior...
..from which a slim, shapely young lady emerges dressed
in a tight-fitting jumper suit of a metallic cloth--
adorned profusely with what seems to be gleaming gems--
and the young lady herself, her skin, her hair, even
more, her eyes, are a soft, glowing green. The girl
(her name is MORN, we will find) looks around at the
awed, silent circle of faces and speaks. Her voice is
clear, she uses no particular accent, but her syntax is
sometimes scrambled even though she makes sense.
A MINER'S VOICE
Flamin fishes! She's green!
ANOTHER MINER'S VOICE
Green as Kelly's tie on St. Patrick's
Day!
MORN
(pointing to Simon)
He will recover, with no lasting
effects.
WEST
What do you do when someone really
irritates you?
MORN
(knitting her brows--
puzzled)
I do not--comprehend.
WEST
Let me put it this way; if it isn't
revealing classified information,
how did you do that?
CONTINUED
Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 I-10
Rev. 8/23/66
15. CONTINUED 15.
MORN
(gently, as if
explaining to
a child)
I did nothing;
(points to disk)
It was the force field belt.
WEST
(gravely)
Of course; that explains everything.
Victor steps forward and doffs his hat with a flourish.
VICTOR
Welcome to Morning Glory, the garden
spot of old Arizona, Miss....?
MORN
(inclines her
head gravely)
I am called Morn.
MINER'S VOICE (X)
Ask her where she hails from!
As Victor looks enquiringly at Morn she points off at
the sky.
MORN
Far off, from--
(a beat, thinks,
then:)
In your language it is called
Venus.
A great BUZZ breaks out from the open-mouthed crowd at
this.
WEST
How do you happen to know our language
so well?
MORN
On our planet, many young people--
usually females--are born with the
gift of translation.
(gestures, trying
to explain)
It is of the brain--when you speak,
the vibrations are translated by
my brain, thus I am able to...
CONTINUED
Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 I-10A
Rev. 8/23/66
15. CONTINUED 15.
She stops, suddenly turns to the disk and her attitude
is distinctly one of listening--but we hear NOTHING--
then Morn nods, and turns back to West.
MORN
Please forgive us for the trouble
we are causing you; as my sisters
have just reminded me, we have
run short of fuel, and...
WEST
Your sisters have just reminded
you?
MORN
(smiling apologetically)
I'm sorry, I forget that you do
not know about our method of--how
shall I say it--thought projection...
She turns back to the ship and stares silently at it
briefly, then TWO OTHER YOUNG LADIES (ALNA and PAN)
emerge from the disk, both as slim and attractive as
Morn, both with the same glowing green (X)
color, and both clad as Morn is, in a metallic jumper
hung with jewel-like stones. Over the excited BUZZ
from the miners:
CONTINUED
The Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 I-11
Rev. 8/23/66
15. CONTINUED 15.
MORN
My sisters, Alna and Pan.
Alna and Pan nod briefly at the assembled group, then both
turn and stare intently at Morn, who nods back at them, as
if acknowledging something that has been said to her, then
Morn faces West again.
MORN (CONT'D)
My sisters do not understand your
language as well as I. They wish (X)
to know if you can supply us with
sufficient fuel for us to return
home.
VICTOR
What kind of fuel do you use in
your rig, Morn? We can supply
you with coal, wood--even oil,
if you like...
MORN
(shaking her
head)
No, no, mildum--you know, the
base metal...
At the blank stares that greet this, Morn bites her lips
as she struggles to express herself;
MORN (CONT'D)
How do you say it here...?
(a beat)
Wait, I will show you.
CONTINUED
The Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 I-12
Rev. 8/19/66
15. CONTINUED 15.
She turns again to her sisters, stares intently at them, X
then Alna nods, exits into the disk and returns almost
immediately with a lump of gleaming metal that she hands
to Morn. West stares in surprise at the gleaming mass
as it is handed to him.
WEST
This is mildum?
Morn nodes. West and Victor exchange glances; Victor X
examines the metal, then:
VICTOR
You use it for fuel?
MORN
Yes, for the reaction motors that
power our vehicles.
(suddenly uneasy)
You have no mildum here?
Victor has taken the gleaming lump of metal from West,
hefted it, exchanged a glance with him, then, to Morn:
VICTOR
Oh, we have lots of that article,
Ma'am--only we call it gold.
MORN
(relieved)
I am glad; we will need--in your
units of weight--four hundred pounds
of gold. Can you bring it to us now?
She looks around, the bright look on her face fading as she
looks over the sea of open-mouthed incredulous expressions.
MORN (CONT'D)
What--have I said something wrong?
WEST
Mildum--or gold, isn't something you
just pick up off the ground, Morn.
MORN
No? but on our planet there are
mountains of it--everywhere.
WEST
(wryly)
On this planet it's scarce--scarce
enough for men to spend their lives
digging for it, fighting for it--
and often enough, dying for it.
CONTINUED
The Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 I-13
Rev. 8/15/66
15. CONTINUED 15.
MORN
(troubled)
Oh. Then--then I suppose we will
have to try to return home with
what we have.
Victor has moved closer to Morn as she speaks, fascinated
by the sparkling stones on her suit.
VICTOR
Those stones on your clothes--
are they jewels?
MORN
Jewels?
VICTOR
Precious stones--you know.
MORN
(shrugging)
Precious? Not to us. They are
on the ground, millions of them.
We like the colors, so we decorate--
we decorate clothes, we decorate
buildings--crush them to make roads
...Here, take one...
She rips off a diamond from her jump-suit, gives it to
Victor. Alna and Pan get into the spirit, they rip off a
jewel or two and hand them to Victor, too. He holds one
--a large diamond-like stone--up, and it looks good.
Then another, this time a red, red ruby, CAMERA MOVES IN
CLOSE, as the miners crowd around the sparkling stones.
16. BACK TO SCENE 16.
Morn and her two sisters are starting to make their way
back along the gangplank leading into their disk when
Victor looks up from his inspection of the gems, his
nostrils dilated with a gathering excitement he can't
conceal.
VICTOR
About that--mildum--you need,
ladies--It's just barely possible
we may be able to work something out...!
FLIP TO:
The Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 I-14
Rev. 8/23/66
17. INT. VICTOR'S ASSAY OFFICE - NIGHT 17.
CLOSE on Pettigrew lifting a sack stencilled prominently
with 'U.S.' into position on a pile of other sacks,
similarly stencilled, all neatly heaped within the
cavernous confines of a huge wall safe...
...the PULL BACK to show that we are in a simply furnished
office, largely consisting of a counter that runs along the
front, a plain table, several chairs, and the massive safe
mentioned above...
...and now we also see that a sort of bucket brigade set-
up is in operations, involving the passing forward of the
gold sacks. One of the Cavalrymen passes a sack of gold
dust through the opened door, into the waiting hands of
another soldier, who, in turn, passes the sack on to
Pettigrew, who deposits it in the safe...
...all this under the watchful eye of West, working in his
vest and shirtsleeves, checking merchandise off on his
clipboard. Nearby we also see Victor, in his vest and
shirtsleeves, too. As Pettigrew deposits a final sack in
the safe:
WEST
All right, Mr. Pettigrew, thank
you very much for your help.
(to Victor)
That's the crop.
Victor walks over and runs a hand lovingly over the stacked
sacks--until West casually draws him away, swings the
massive door shut and twirls the dials. Then, as West
scrawls on a sheet of paper:
WEST (CONT'D)
Before you leave, here is receipt
for your premises, Mr. Victor.
VICTOR
(smiling his brittle
smile)
Before I leave? You evicting me from
my own office?
WEST
Call it 'Federal Requisition', if
it makes you feel any better (X)
(handing him paper)
In a day or so an army detachment
will show up to take over the
convoying--until then, this is
Government property. You will, of
course, be adequately reimbursed.
CONTINUED
The Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 I-14A
Rev. 8/23/66
17. CONTINUED 17.
VICTOR
Fair enough.
(as he and West shrug
into their coats)
Pretty dry work, tallying sacks of
gold dust; join me in a dram?
WEST
(nodding)
Just to settle the dust.
During the above, the two other cavalrymen have entered
from outside. Now West turns to one, a CORPORAL.
WEST
Corporal, the detail will (X)
remain on a full alert basis
until further orders; two on and
two off at all times.
CORPORAL
Yes, sir.
West nods at Victor, who is looking on interestedly, and
the two leave, followed by Pettigrew.
17A. EXT. ASSAY OFFICE - NIGHT 17A.
As West and Victor head across the street toward the Glory
Hole (Pettigrew departs in different direction), their
path takes them past what looks like a circus wagon, at
first, then, on closer examination we see that the
ornately painted and decorated legends, illuminated by
a flaring acetylene lamp, read: "DRAW BACK FROM THE
YAWNING PIT OF ETERNAL FIRE!" "SEEK OUT YOUR SALVATION!"
"THERE IS LESS TIME THAN YOU THINK!" Etc.
17B. CLOSE ON WEST AND VICTOR 17B.
as West surveys the gaudy wagon.
WEST
Hell-fire Simon's?
VICTOR
Who else would have a tricked-out
Glory Wagon like this?
17C. BACK TO SCENE 17C.
as West and Victor proceed toward the Glory Hole.
The Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 I-15
Rev. 8/23/66
18. INT. GLORY HOLE SALOON - NIGHT 18.
West and Victor enter, CAMERA FOLLOWING as they make their way
to the bar, and then we see West stop, staring off-as CAMERA
ANGLES to show a powerful, bearded man slumped over a table,
an empty glass clutched in his hand. West stares at the man--
bends low to see the face more clearly, then throws a
questioning look at a grinning Victor.
WEST (X)
Simon?
VICTOR
Yup. When it comes to salvation, (X)
Hell-fire is his own best customer.
West and Victor proceed toward the bar, and as they approach
it, there is an immediate halt in the BABBLE OF VOICES, then
we HEAR: "There he is, now!" - "speakin' of the devil!", etc.
A GROUP OF MINERS surge around Victor and West as they make
their way to the bar. One of the miners, a gentle old timer
(WINGO) obviously speaks for the others as he buttonholes
Victor eagerly: (NOTE: during the following Victor gestures
to the Bartender, who sets bottle and glasses before West
and himself.)
WINGO
How'd the tests on them jewels
come out, Mr. Victor?!
VICTOR
What?
(a beat, then
with a smile)
Oh--the jewels. Never got
around to them.
He reaches into his pocket, comes up with several jewels we
had seen Morn and her sisters pluck off their garments--and
with a disdainful gesture he rolls them onto the bar. The
miners exchange glances ranging from bewilderment,
disappointment, all the way down to distrust and hostility.
A HARD-FACED MINER (CALICO) conspicuously toting a holstered
gun speaks up.
CALICO
You tellin' us they assay out
out to plain glass?
VICTOR
(an exasperated smile)
Calico, use the brains you were born
with--I don't know anything about
jewels, but I say no one's going
around passing out the real thing
like confetti!
CONTINUED
The Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 I-16
Rev. 8/15/66
18. CONTINUED 18.
WEST
I'm not expert either, but there
is a simple, garden-variety test.
He picks up the jewels, saunters around the bar (the
bartender makes way for him, open-mouthed) then West
passes the jewel across the surface of the big mirror....
...and a big "AH-H-H!!" goes up as we see the long
streak it has cut into the glass.
19. CLOSE SHOT - BARTENDER WINCING: 19.
20. BACK TO SCENE 20.
Over the AD-LIB EXCITED BABBLE of the miners, West takes
another jewel, makes another parallel streak in the glass
with it, then finished up with a third jewel by connecting
the two parallel lines with a swooping line--and West
has scratched a huge dollar sign into the glass...
...after which he tosses the jewels back on the bar
counter and saunters around back to his place.
21. ANOTHER ANGLE - CLOSE ON WEST AND VICTOR 21.
Excited miner's faces reflect the increasing excitement
they feel. Victor looks increasingly irritated throughout.
Another TOUGH-LOOKING MINER (JERRY) becomes quite
pugnacious about it as he brings his face close to Victor;
JERRY
What do you say to that!?
VICTOR
I say it doesn't prove out to a
hoot in the wind!
(sarcastically, bowing
to West)
Mr. West here is very capable in
a great many fields, but I doubt
that he's an expert on gems, and
that's what it would take to prove
that....
ARTEMUS' VOICE
I beg your pardon, but do you
mind not jiggling my arm?
CONTINUED
The Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 I-17
Rev. 8/15/66
21. CONTINUED 21.
CAMERA ANGLES and now, for the first time we see the
dapper, gray-bowlered figure at his side, dressed in
the smart hounds-tooth check suit--with the jeweler's
loupe inserted in place in his eye--deftly examining
one of the jewels West tossed on the bar. (NOTE: Artemus
and West play each other as total strangers).
VICTOR
Who--are you?
Without interrupting his examination of the jewel for an
instant, Artemus reaches into his inside coat pocket
with his free hand and comes up with a card that he extends
in Victor's direction.
VICTOR
(reading card aloud)
"Dirk De Jong--precious and
semi-precious gems purchased,
sold, and appraised."
(to Artemus--slowly)
You're an expert, eh?
ARTEMUS
(shrugging--eye still on gem)
Without a peer.
As he speaks, he whips out brass, torch-like affair with
a magnifying lens mounted on gimbels off to one side--
he deftly lights the alcohol torch and, even as he
speaks, he examines the jewels through the now-illuminated
magnifying glass, holding them with jewel's forceps.
WEST
Quite a coincidence, you being
here, Mr. De Jong.
ARTEMUS
Yes, isn't it:
(looking up)
I've got disappointing news for
the owner of these, whoever that is...
VICTOR
(a wintry smile at the miners)
Go on, Mr. De Jong.
ARTEMUS
(holding up a stone)
This is definitely not a first-class
diamond; two-thousand,--twenty two
hundred dollars tops, is all it
would fetch...
CONTINUED
The Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 I-18
Rev. 8/19/66
21. CONTINUED 21.
There is a stunned reaction, followed by another BABBLE
OF VOICES from the miners. Victor whirls around, hands
raised high.
VICTOR
Hold it, men, hold it!
(to Artemus)
What about the others?
ARTEMUS
The ruby isn't of the first water,
either.
(shrugging)
The market being what it is, you'd
be lucky to get three thousand...
Again an excited outburst of MINER'S BABBLE. Victor
waves peremptory hands to quiet them.
VICTOR
Quiet!
(to Artemus)
Go on...
ARTEMUS
The other two sapphires --
(shaking his head)
You'll never see more than eight
hundred apiece for them.
(as he pockets his (X)
equipment)
Good day, gentlemen.
And nodding cheerily to the excited-eyed miners on every (X)
hand, Artemus exits.
Victor scoops up the jewels, cradles them reverently in
his hands, no longer trying to conceal his excitement,
then addresses the miners:
VICTOR
Listen, men, I think we're on to
something big! There must be a
couple of million dollars worth
of jewels strung on the dresses
alone of those three...
He trails off, as if unable to bring himself to say
"venusians" then he turns to West, quietly sipping his
drink througout:
VICTOR (CONT'D)
Three what, Mr. West? You're a
fast man with an answer...
CONTINUED
The Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 I-19
Rev. 8/19/66
21. CONTINUED 21.
WEST
(dead-pan)
Let's say 'three out-of-town'
visitors!
A CHORUS of EXCITED LAUGHTER breaks out, which Victor
waves down.
VICTOR
Okay, okay! There's three out-of-
town visitors out there in the
canyon -- they need a few measly
hundred pounds of gold for their
rig -- and they've got nothing
but diamonds, and emeralds and
rubies to barter for it!
More OUTBURST, which Victor quells with his upraised hands.
VICTOR (CONT'D)
From where I stand it looks like
we can make a deal with those three
heavenly graces, and while we're
at it, make more money than we ever...
SIMON'S VOICE (X)
They are evil!
CAMERA ANGLES to show Simon raising his face from his (X)
sprawled out attitude on the table. As he struggles to
lift himself up and get to his feet:
SIMON (CONT'D) (X)
Let no one be deceived by their
color -- for green is the color
of evil!
Again an answering chorus of CATCALLS and BOOS break out (X)
from the miners, and over it all, the THUNDEROUS VOICE
of Simon BOOMS out:
SIMON (CONT'D)
They are evil, I tell you! Their
arrival from outer space is evil --
their purpose is evil...
And now, grinning broadly, the bartender comes up to Simon (X)
with a bottle and pours a slug into Simon's glass, as if
this is an old, old story. And, almost with a reflex motion
Simon picks up the glass, drains it, then:
SIMON (CONT'D) (X)
...they -- must -- be -- destroyed...!
The Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 I-20
Rev. 8/23/66
21. CONTINUED 21.
Before the last syllables have passed his lips, Hell-fire
Simon's head droops forward and he returns to his inert,
slumped-over position on the table.
21A. ANOTHER ANGLE - AT BAR 21A.(X)
as West sets his empty glass down, nods distantly at Victor
and the others, and, after tossing a coin on the bar counter,
heads for the door, CAMERA FOLLOWING -- the CAMERA ANGLES BACK
to Simon slumped over the table -- MOVES IN CLOSE to show
that one of Simon's eyes is open, and staring after the now
departed West.
21B. EXT. GLORY HOLE MAIN STREET - NIGHT 21B.
CAMERA MOVES with West as he strolls along the empty street,
until we see him pause before a tobaccanist's shop, as
signified by the large, wooden Indian statue. As West leans
against the wooden Indian and looks over the shop window, we
HEAR him MURMUR:
WEST
Didn't you overdo the gem expert bit
with those inflated prices you were
reeling off?
CAMERA MOVES OVER and now we can see that Artemus is
inconspicuously tucked away on the other side of the wooden
Indian. Artemus, as he continues to look over the shop
merchandise on his side:
ARTEMUS
(barely moving his lips)
James, my boy, I know enough about the
glittering stuff to tell you this --
those gems are the real McCoy!
A long beat as West digests this, staring sightlessly at the
window, then he nods thoughtfully.
WEST
Of course; it figures that whoever is
running this fleecing game would prime
the s*ckers that way...
ARTEMUS
Listen, your telegram mentioned a
flying pie-plate, whatever that is...
WEST
(grimly)
All part of the treatment, Artie--
you'll see it, in due time.
Feigning a yawn, West turns and walks off.
The Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 I-21
Rev. 8/19/66
22. OMIT 22.
23. ANOTHER ANGLE 23.
West walks along the deserted street, lost in thought.
As he passes an area where two buildings are a few
feet apart, he hears a low MOAN. He cannot see who or
what is making it; he hears it repeated, then moves in,
between buildings, to investigate.
24. EXT. ALLEYWAY - MED. SHOT 24.
Calico, Jerry and the third man all jump West at the
same time. He reacts quickly enough to keep from
getting clobbered by a club, then flattens the gunman
wielding it, turns and doubles Calico over with a body
blow, slamming him against the building. Jerry
manages to slug toe to toe with West, but is going
down from West's heavier punches when Calico, recovered,
comes up behind West and fells him with a blow from his
pistol barrel.
JERRY
(gasping for breath)
Load him on his horse.
He and Calico bend, pick up the unconscious West;
CAMERA HOLDS ON West's face, and we FREEZE FRAME to
END OF ACT ONE
CBS-TV
THE WILD WILD WEST
"The Night of the Flying Pie Plate"
by
Dan Ullman
REVISED FINAL DRAFT
#0302
August 23, 1966
#0302 Rev. 8/23/66
THE WILD WILD WEST
THE NIGHT OF THE FLYING PIE PLATE
EXECUTIVE PRODUCER
MICHAEL GARRISON
PRODUCER
BRUCE LANSBURY
ASSOCIATE PRODUCER
LEONARD KATZMAN
STORY CONSULTANT
HENRY SHARP
WRITTEN BY
DAN ULLMAN
SETS:
EXT. MAIN STREET
EXT. DESERT - VARIOUS AREAS
EXT. FLYING PIE PLATE LOCATION
INT. GLORY HOLE SALOON
INT. VICTOR'S OFFICE
INT. WEST'S HOTEL ROOM
EXT. CAMPSITE
INT. FLYING PIE PLATE
EXT. GLORY HOLE SALOON
EXT. ALLEYWAY
EXT. ROCKS
INT. WEST'S RAILROAD CAR
EXT. ASSAY OFFICE
INT. HOTEL LOBBY
CAST:
JAMES WEST - ROBERT CONRAD
ARTEMUS GORDON - ROSS MARTIN
BEN VICTOR
MORN
ALNA
PAN
WINGO
CALICO
JERRY
BYRON PETTIGREW
SIMON
BARTENDER
MINER #1
MINER #2
MINER #3
CORPORAL
TROOPER
Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302
T-1
Rev. 8/19/66
TEASER
FADE IN:
1. EXT. MAIN STREET - MORNING GLORY - NIGHT 1.
We're looking at a portrait of a Saturday night in a
western town--but a rip-roaring Saturday night, relaxing
after a hard day's occupation; and from the appearance
of the BOISTEROUS MEN who come barging in and out of the
"Glory Hole", the town's drinking emporium, we should get
the idea that the hard day's occupation of this town is
mining. (NOTE: this impression will be reinforced when,
later on, we get to see an Assay Office, and various
stores in which the working gear of miners are freely
displayed;
...but right now we are mostly aware of the melange of
Saturday Night NOISES coming from the gaudily-lighted
precincts of the Glory Hole; TINKLING PIANO, RAUCOUS
CONVERSATION, LAUGHTER, etc....
...and into and adding to all this, a GROUP of RIDERS
escorting a wagon come cantering and rolling into view,
pull up at a hitching post nearby: one rider dismounts...
...as CAMERA MOVES IN to show us that the rider is WEST.
The other FOUR MEN are U.S. CAVALRYMEN, two of them
mounted on horses, the other two riding on the wagon--
and when we will have a chance to examine the wagon
more closely, we will see that it is low, decked over,
and heavily and obviously armored; that, plus the outsized
wheels should give us the idea that it is built to
accomodate an immensely heavy, and immensely valuable
cargo.
2. ANOTHER ANGLE 2.X
West, in the middle of the road, surveys the area,
obviously looking for something specific, then, as he
walks purposefully out of view, we realize that he has
found it. HOLD for a beat on the remaining Cavalrymen,
and it is noteworthy that they not only remain mounted,
but that they continue to hold their rifles at the ready;
no relaxation here...
...then CAMERA ANGLES to show West approaching a small shop
that bears the legend ASSAY OFFICE, Ben Victor, Prop.
The heavily barred window displays only a gold scale and
a careless profusion of various ores. As West moves to
enter the shop's door, it opens and a BOOKEEPERISH LITTLE
MAN emerges, locking the door behind him. (The little
man is BYRON PETTIGREW.)
CONTINUED
Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 T-1A
Rev. 8/19/66
2. CONTINUED 2.
PETTIGREW
Closed for the night, Mister;
hang on to your gold dust till
morning.
WEST
This gold dust gets deposited
tonight; where do I find Ben
Victor?
PETTIGREW
(pointing)
He's likely over at the Glory Hole,
but he makes it a rule never to...
He stops talking and shrugs--West has turned on his heels
and is striding across the street toward the brassy-
looking saloon.
Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302
T-2
Rev. 8/19/66
2A. INT. GLORY HOLE - NIGHT 2A.
We are really looking over some first rate merrymaking
here; the kind of wild-eyed carousing that is so
delightfully typical of the Klondike--the big gold
strike--with the consequent "it's-only-money,-and-
there's-lots-more-where-this-came-from" attitudes of the
lurching, brawling MINERS at every hand. (As many
miners and "Glory girls" as the censor and Lennie will
let us have.)
3. ANOTHER ANGLE - AT DOOR 3.
A MINER lurches out through the swinging doors--West
neatly sidesteps him and enters. We see him ask something
of a scantily clad GLORY GIRL (we're too far away to HEAR)
and she, in turn, points off in another direction. West
obviously thanks her and moves out of view. HOLD on the
Glory girl looking after West approvingly...
4. ANOTHER ANGLE 4.
A restless-eyed, impeccably dressed man with a built-in
sardonic expression is seen sitting alone at a table,
nursing a drink and playing solitaire. (He is BEN
VICTOR.) West comes up to him and waits until Victor’s
eyes lift to him.
WEST
Ben Victor?
Victor's eyes measure West thoughtfully before he nods,
then back to his cards.
VICTOR
You're James West, of course.
WEST
I didn't think it showed.
VICTOR
Oh, it does; the incorruptible eyes--
that plus the federal jut of the jaw.
(gesturing at chair)
No extra charge for sitting down.
West inclines his head gravely and sits.
CONTINUED
Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 T-2A
Rev. 8/19/66
4. CONTINUED 4.
WEST
You got my telegram, I take it?
VICTOR
(nods, glances at
his watch)
You timed your arrival to the minute.
(to West)
Are all Federal Agents so prompt?
WEST
They are when they're sheep-
dogging merchandise of some
value.
VICTOR
I like the genteel way your put
that, Mr. West.
(a beat)
Your telegram mentioned that you'd
be needing vault space for the
temporary storage of your--
merchandise; might I ask how much
merchandise?
WEST
Twenty five hundred pounds of gold
dust.
VICTOR
(a beat--swallowing)
Over a million dollars worth...
WEST
(nodding, then,
politely)
I'm not keeping you from finishing
your drink, am I?
VICTOR
(smiles mirthlessly)
I think you made your point.
He tosses off his drink, then he and West both stand up,
just as:
Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302
T-3
Rev. 8/23/66
4. CONTINUED 4.
SIMON'S VOICE
Back! Draw back from the yawning
pit of eternal fire while there
is still a measure of time!
CAMERA ANGLES during the above to show that the swinging
doors have been flung aside by the powerful, bearded figure
of a man (SIMON) who stands in the doorway, eyes flashing,
one hand clutching a black, leather bound book as he raises
his arms high in gesture that is, at the same time, both
supplicating and threatening...
...and at once a CHORUS of BOOS and GROANS breaks out
from the patrons, which should make us realize that this
is an old, old (and highly unwelcome) story.
5. BACK TO WEST AND VICTOR 5.
as West turns back to Victor and raises an enquiring
eyebrow.
CONTINUED
Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 T-4
Rev. 8/23/66
5. CONTINUED 5.
VICTOR
(wryly)
Glory's own, self-appointed guardian
of its salvation, Hell-fire Simon.
WEST
Is he really a preacher?
VICTOR
No, but a little detail like that
isn't about to stop our Simon....
6. ANOTHER ANGLE - AT CARD TABLES 6.
The players shift uncomfortably in their chairs as Simon
strides up to them and raises his arms as if to direct
lightning bolts down on them from above:
SIMON
Go to! Huddle over the tables of
abomination, clutching the devil's
pasteboards! Lemmings! Blind,
heedless lemmings, all of you,
tumbling after each other in your
headlong plunge to destruction!
He wheels and goes to bar, directing more invisible
fire from above as he goes--and burly miners shrink
away from him on either side.
SIMON (CONT'D)
Swillers! Gulpers-down of the foul
water of the River Styx!
BARTENDER
(wearily)
Oh, come on now, Hell-fire...
Simon shakes two knotted fists over the long-suffering
bartender as he thunders:
SIMON
You! How many mortgaged souls
have you foreclosed today, spawn
of Belial!?
And suddenly he is sweeping the bar clean of glasses and
bottles, right and left, in an orgy of glass-smashing
destruction--a momentary time-lag, then a couple of miners
leap at Simon and pin his arms behind his back...
...while the outraged BARTENDER hustles out from behind the
bar and slams his fist into Simon's middle...
Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 T-5
Rev. 8/19/66
7. BACK TO WEST AND VICTOR 7.
West is suddenly moving, as if animated by a giant spring
--he strides up to the bartender just as he is about
to throw another punch at the face of Simon, still
pinioned by the miners...
....West whirls him around by his shoulder and sends hom
crumpling against the bar with a clean right to the jaw.
8. ANOTHER ANGLE 8.
As the two miners release their hold of Simon, (who
slumps against a table) and leap at West, arms
flailing;
...West stops one with a looping left that doubles
him up--bending low as he does so, to avoid the
roundhouse swing of the other miner, whose swing
carries him right onto West's back...
...and the built-in spring in West goes into operation
again as he straightens up violently, hurling the
sprawling miner into the air and crashing into a corner.
9. ANOTHER ANGLE 9.
And now West finds himself backing up beside Simon
as a circle of murderous-looking miners get to their
feet and converge on him, one or two with clasp knives
whose gleaming blades are unleashed for the occasion,
during which the bartender straightens up, his face
still twisted with anger as he says:
BARTENDER
You asked for this, Mister. Look
what that fire-eatin’ son of a
circuit rider done to my bar!
Without once taking his eyes from the converging,
menacing circle, West reaches into his pocket...
...and comes up with a gold coin that he flips in
the direction of the bartender.
WEST
Here, buy yourself a temperance
pledge.
And now, just as he is bracing himself for the deadly
rush of fists and gleaming knife blades, we HEAR the
KEENING, ULULATING SOUND, FAINTLY at first, then RISING
IN INTENSITY until the atmosphere vibrates with its
CLAMOR...
...and suddenly West finds that the deadly circle
has broken as there is a stampede for the doors...
Night of the Flying Pie Plate T-6
Rev. 8/15/66
10. EXT. OUTSIDE GLORY HOLE - NIGHT 10.
...and the miners come pouring out into the strident night,
followed by West. They look around, then one miner raises
his head to the sky and we see his eyes widening as he stares
aloft, his face lighted by a weird glow:
MINER
Great balls o' fire! There she is..!
All eyes turn heavenward, as CAMERA ANGLES to show a dull-
red oval drifting across the sky, a collar of green and
yellow lights flashing on and off, and unmistakeably, almost
unbearably loud now, the KEENING NOISE is coming from the
celestial disk...
...then it has passed overhead nosing down as it goes,
until its passage is hidden by the low-lying hills...
...and suddenly, the keening NOISE is replaced by a
TREMENDOUS CRASH, then a phosphorescent pillar of smoke
writhes its way into the sky, bringing an unearthly daylight
quality to the night...
...and the stunned, fascinated hush of the group is
shattered as we HEAR:
SIMON'S VOICE
And Fiery chariots, bearing hosts of
death and retribution will seek out
the thrice-warned, eternally damned...!
During the above, CAMERA WILL ANGLE to show Simon, who has
emerged, his face lighted up by the unearthly glow and the
fierce triumph that transfigures him--then CAMERA MOVES ON
and HOLDS on West and his grimly bewildered expression, as
we
FADE OUT:
END TEASER
Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 I-7
Rev. 8/19/66
ACT ONE
FADE IN:
11. EXT. RISING GROUND - NIGHT 11.
We see the miners toiling up the slope, from which we
hear a low, HUMMING SOUND, some with lanterns, some without,
but all scrambling and clawing their way upward in their
eagerness to see what lies beyond...
12. ANOTHER ANGLE 12.
West and Victor are in another group making their way up
the rise--and from the POV we can see several miners who
have reached the brow, peered over, and we see them recoil
at what they see...
...more miners reach the brow, peer over, and they, like
the others react with fear and incredulity...
13. ANOTHER ANGLE - ON WEST AND VICTOR 13.
SHOOTING DOWN on them as they make their way up the rise,
elbowing their way through the group of miners staring
down fascinatedly, West and Victor top the rise, stare
and we see their faces twisted with the incredulity we see
on all the others; then CAMERA PULLS BACK--AND UP, over
the MUCH LOUDER HUMMING SOUND...
...until finally we see it, resting in a crater-like
depression (see fig. 37) from which wisps of vapor or
smoke rise, a gleaming dull-red, metallic disk, maybe ten
feet in diameter, six feet high, a circular mass of metal
ribbed and embossed with an intricate pattern...
...and surmounting it, a small tower that revolves slowly,
sending beams of reflected radiance darting across the
faces of the awed onlookers. (Actually a fancied-up police
car revolving warning light.)
14. CLOSE ON WEST AND VICT OR 14.
OVER A BABBLE of Miner's awed comments, like:
MINER'S VOICES
(simultaneous)
Whatever it is, it's glowin' like
it's red hot!--Must'a hit plenty hard
the way it plowed into the ground--
what d'yfigger that little dingus
is that keeps goin' around?--Can't
be no meteorite, not with all them (X)
fancy markin's...! etc.
CONTINUED
Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 I-8
Rev. 8/23/66
14. CONTINUED 14.
We see that Victor is still as sardonic as ever as he
turns to West but his quickened breathing betrays the
fact that he is not as calm as he appears.
VICTOR
Well, Mr. West?
(pointing to disk)
Got any answers?
WEST
No--but I have a few questions...
During this he has started to make a few tentative steps
closer to the disk, then he stops as the HUMMING SOUND
INCREASES IN INTENSITY, and a FLAT, METALLICALLY AMPLIFIED
VOICE is HEARD.
METALLIC VOICE
Halt--do--not--advance--any--further.
And West halts. Victor registers visible disappointment
at this.
VICTOR
Fear, Mr. West?
WEST
Let's call it--discretion.
SIMON'S VOICE
(exulting)
Behold--a sign! A sign of the terrible
wrath to come!
CAMERA ANGLES to show Simon appearing on the crest of the
hill, his disarrayed, long hair and his streaming beard
giving the appearance of an Old Testament Prophet
(or John Brown). During the following, he advances
toward the disk, deaf to the ominous SOUND OF HUMMING
RISING IN INTENSITY.
METALLIC VOICE
Halt--do--not--advance--any--further.
SIMON
(raising wildly imploring (X)
hands to the disk)
I call upon you to destroy this
Sodom and Gomorrah, this Morning Glory, (X)
this abomination in the eyes of...
CONTINUED
Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 I-9
Rev. 8/15/66
14. CONTINUED 14.
The HUMMING has reached a very HIGH INTENSITY during the
above, and suddenly Simon is lifted into the air and
hurled back as if by a tremendous invisible force...
15. ANOTHER ANGLE 15.
The miners hurry up to the stunned figure of Simon,
sprawled on the ground quite some distance away from the
disk--and as they crowd about him, one lifts his head
and looks back, reacts, then the others follow suit...
...as a collective GASP GOES UP from the crowd--now we
see that, silently, smoothly, a hinged panel in the side
of the disk is rising, exposing the multi-lighted interior...
..from which a slim, shapely young lady emerges dressed
in a tight-fitting jumper suit of a metallic cloth--
adorned profusely with what seems to be gleaming gems--
and the young lady herself, her skin, her hair, even
more, her eyes, are a soft, glowing green. The girl
(her name is MORN, we will find) looks around at the
awed, silent circle of faces and speaks. Her voice is
clear, she uses no particular accent, but her syntax is
sometimes scrambled even though she makes sense.
A MINER'S VOICE
Flamin fishes! She's green!
ANOTHER MINER'S VOICE
Green as Kelly's tie on St. Patrick's
Day!
MORN
(pointing to Simon)
He will recover, with no lasting
effects.
WEST
What do you do when someone really
irritates you?
MORN
(knitting her brows--
puzzled)
I do not--comprehend.
WEST
Let me put it this way; if it isn't
revealing classified information,
how did you do that?
CONTINUED
Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 I-10
Rev. 8/23/66
15. CONTINUED 15.
MORN
(gently, as if
explaining to
a child)
I did nothing;
(points to disk)
It was the force field belt.
WEST
(gravely)
Of course; that explains everything.
Victor steps forward and doffs his hat with a flourish.
VICTOR
Welcome to Morning Glory, the garden
spot of old Arizona, Miss....?
MORN
(inclines her
head gravely)
I am called Morn.
MINER'S VOICE (X)
Ask her where she hails from!
As Victor looks enquiringly at Morn she points off at
the sky.
MORN
Far off, from--
(a beat, thinks,
then:)
In your language it is called
Venus.
A great BUZZ breaks out from the open-mouthed crowd at
this.
WEST
How do you happen to know our language
so well?
MORN
On our planet, many young people--
usually females--are born with the
gift of translation.
(gestures, trying
to explain)
It is of the brain--when you speak,
the vibrations are translated by
my brain, thus I am able to...
CONTINUED
Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 I-10A
Rev. 8/23/66
15. CONTINUED 15.
She stops, suddenly turns to the disk and her attitude
is distinctly one of listening--but we hear NOTHING--
then Morn nods, and turns back to West.
MORN
Please forgive us for the trouble
we are causing you; as my sisters
have just reminded me, we have
run short of fuel, and...
WEST
Your sisters have just reminded
you?
MORN
(smiling apologetically)
I'm sorry, I forget that you do
not know about our method of--how
shall I say it--thought projection...
She turns back to the ship and stares silently at it
briefly, then TWO OTHER YOUNG LADIES (ALNA and PAN)
emerge from the disk, both as slim and attractive as
Morn, both with the same glowing green (X)
color, and both clad as Morn is, in a metallic jumper
hung with jewel-like stones. Over the excited BUZZ
from the miners:
CONTINUED
The Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 I-11
Rev. 8/23/66
15. CONTINUED 15.
MORN
My sisters, Alna and Pan.
Alna and Pan nod briefly at the assembled group, then both
turn and stare intently at Morn, who nods back at them, as
if acknowledging something that has been said to her, then
Morn faces West again.
MORN (CONT'D)
My sisters do not understand your
language as well as I. They wish (X)
to know if you can supply us with
sufficient fuel for us to return
home.
VICTOR
What kind of fuel do you use in
your rig, Morn? We can supply
you with coal, wood--even oil,
if you like...
MORN
(shaking her
head)
No, no, mildum--you know, the
base metal...
At the blank stares that greet this, Morn bites her lips
as she struggles to express herself;
MORN (CONT'D)
How do you say it here...?
(a beat)
Wait, I will show you.
CONTINUED
The Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 I-12
Rev. 8/19/66
15. CONTINUED 15.
She turns again to her sisters, stares intently at them, X
then Alna nods, exits into the disk and returns almost
immediately with a lump of gleaming metal that she hands
to Morn. West stares in surprise at the gleaming mass
as it is handed to him.
WEST
This is mildum?
Morn nodes. West and Victor exchange glances; Victor X
examines the metal, then:
VICTOR
You use it for fuel?
MORN
Yes, for the reaction motors that
power our vehicles.
(suddenly uneasy)
You have no mildum here?
Victor has taken the gleaming lump of metal from West,
hefted it, exchanged a glance with him, then, to Morn:
VICTOR
Oh, we have lots of that article,
Ma'am--only we call it gold.
MORN
(relieved)
I am glad; we will need--in your
units of weight--four hundred pounds
of gold. Can you bring it to us now?
She looks around, the bright look on her face fading as she
looks over the sea of open-mouthed incredulous expressions.
MORN (CONT'D)
What--have I said something wrong?
WEST
Mildum--or gold, isn't something you
just pick up off the ground, Morn.
MORN
No? but on our planet there are
mountains of it--everywhere.
WEST
(wryly)
On this planet it's scarce--scarce
enough for men to spend their lives
digging for it, fighting for it--
and often enough, dying for it.
CONTINUED
The Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 I-13
Rev. 8/15/66
15. CONTINUED 15.
MORN
(troubled)
Oh. Then--then I suppose we will
have to try to return home with
what we have.
Victor has moved closer to Morn as she speaks, fascinated
by the sparkling stones on her suit.
VICTOR
Those stones on your clothes--
are they jewels?
MORN
Jewels?
VICTOR
Precious stones--you know.
MORN
(shrugging)
Precious? Not to us. They are
on the ground, millions of them.
We like the colors, so we decorate--
we decorate clothes, we decorate
buildings--crush them to make roads
...Here, take one...
She rips off a diamond from her jump-suit, gives it to
Victor. Alna and Pan get into the spirit, they rip off a
jewel or two and hand them to Victor, too. He holds one
--a large diamond-like stone--up, and it looks good.
Then another, this time a red, red ruby, CAMERA MOVES IN
CLOSE, as the miners crowd around the sparkling stones.
16. BACK TO SCENE 16.
Morn and her two sisters are starting to make their way
back along the gangplank leading into their disk when
Victor looks up from his inspection of the gems, his
nostrils dilated with a gathering excitement he can't
conceal.
VICTOR
About that--mildum--you need,
ladies--It's just barely possible
we may be able to work something out...!
FLIP TO:
The Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 I-14
Rev. 8/23/66
17. INT. VICTOR'S ASSAY OFFICE - NIGHT 17.
CLOSE on Pettigrew lifting a sack stencilled prominently
with 'U.S.' into position on a pile of other sacks,
similarly stencilled, all neatly heaped within the
cavernous confines of a huge wall safe...
...the PULL BACK to show that we are in a simply furnished
office, largely consisting of a counter that runs along the
front, a plain table, several chairs, and the massive safe
mentioned above...
...and now we also see that a sort of bucket brigade set-
up is in operations, involving the passing forward of the
gold sacks. One of the Cavalrymen passes a sack of gold
dust through the opened door, into the waiting hands of
another soldier, who, in turn, passes the sack on to
Pettigrew, who deposits it in the safe...
...all this under the watchful eye of West, working in his
vest and shirtsleeves, checking merchandise off on his
clipboard. Nearby we also see Victor, in his vest and
shirtsleeves, too. As Pettigrew deposits a final sack in
the safe:
WEST
All right, Mr. Pettigrew, thank
you very much for your help.
(to Victor)
That's the crop.
Victor walks over and runs a hand lovingly over the stacked
sacks--until West casually draws him away, swings the
massive door shut and twirls the dials. Then, as West
scrawls on a sheet of paper:
WEST (CONT'D)
Before you leave, here is receipt
for your premises, Mr. Victor.
VICTOR
(smiling his brittle
smile)
Before I leave? You evicting me from
my own office?
WEST
Call it 'Federal Requisition', if
it makes you feel any better (X)
(handing him paper)
In a day or so an army detachment
will show up to take over the
convoying--until then, this is
Government property. You will, of
course, be adequately reimbursed.
CONTINUED
The Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 I-14A
Rev. 8/23/66
17. CONTINUED 17.
VICTOR
Fair enough.
(as he and West shrug
into their coats)
Pretty dry work, tallying sacks of
gold dust; join me in a dram?
WEST
(nodding)
Just to settle the dust.
During the above, the two other cavalrymen have entered
from outside. Now West turns to one, a CORPORAL.
WEST
Corporal, the detail will (X)
remain on a full alert basis
until further orders; two on and
two off at all times.
CORPORAL
Yes, sir.
West nods at Victor, who is looking on interestedly, and
the two leave, followed by Pettigrew.
17A. EXT. ASSAY OFFICE - NIGHT 17A.
As West and Victor head across the street toward the Glory
Hole (Pettigrew departs in different direction), their
path takes them past what looks like a circus wagon, at
first, then, on closer examination we see that the
ornately painted and decorated legends, illuminated by
a flaring acetylene lamp, read: "DRAW BACK FROM THE
YAWNING PIT OF ETERNAL FIRE!" "SEEK OUT YOUR SALVATION!"
"THERE IS LESS TIME THAN YOU THINK!" Etc.
17B. CLOSE ON WEST AND VICTOR 17B.
as West surveys the gaudy wagon.
WEST
Hell-fire Simon's?
VICTOR
Who else would have a tricked-out
Glory Wagon like this?
17C. BACK TO SCENE 17C.
as West and Victor proceed toward the Glory Hole.
The Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 I-15
Rev. 8/23/66
18. INT. GLORY HOLE SALOON - NIGHT 18.
West and Victor enter, CAMERA FOLLOWING as they make their way
to the bar, and then we see West stop, staring off-as CAMERA
ANGLES to show a powerful, bearded man slumped over a table,
an empty glass clutched in his hand. West stares at the man--
bends low to see the face more clearly, then throws a
questioning look at a grinning Victor.
WEST (X)
Simon?
VICTOR
Yup. When it comes to salvation, (X)
Hell-fire is his own best customer.
West and Victor proceed toward the bar, and as they approach
it, there is an immediate halt in the BABBLE OF VOICES, then
we HEAR: "There he is, now!" - "speakin' of the devil!", etc.
A GROUP OF MINERS surge around Victor and West as they make
their way to the bar. One of the miners, a gentle old timer
(WINGO) obviously speaks for the others as he buttonholes
Victor eagerly: (NOTE: during the following Victor gestures
to the Bartender, who sets bottle and glasses before West
and himself.)
WINGO
How'd the tests on them jewels
come out, Mr. Victor?!
VICTOR
What?
(a beat, then
with a smile)
Oh--the jewels. Never got
around to them.
He reaches into his pocket, comes up with several jewels we
had seen Morn and her sisters pluck off their garments--and
with a disdainful gesture he rolls them onto the bar. The
miners exchange glances ranging from bewilderment,
disappointment, all the way down to distrust and hostility.
A HARD-FACED MINER (CALICO) conspicuously toting a holstered
gun speaks up.
CALICO
You tellin' us they assay out
out to plain glass?
VICTOR
(an exasperated smile)
Calico, use the brains you were born
with--I don't know anything about
jewels, but I say no one's going
around passing out the real thing
like confetti!
CONTINUED
The Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 I-16
Rev. 8/15/66
18. CONTINUED 18.
WEST
I'm not expert either, but there
is a simple, garden-variety test.
He picks up the jewels, saunters around the bar (the
bartender makes way for him, open-mouthed) then West
passes the jewel across the surface of the big mirror....
...and a big "AH-H-H!!" goes up as we see the long
streak it has cut into the glass.
19. CLOSE SHOT - BARTENDER WINCING: 19.
20. BACK TO SCENE 20.
Over the AD-LIB EXCITED BABBLE of the miners, West takes
another jewel, makes another parallel streak in the glass
with it, then finished up with a third jewel by connecting
the two parallel lines with a swooping line--and West
has scratched a huge dollar sign into the glass...
...after which he tosses the jewels back on the bar
counter and saunters around back to his place.
21. ANOTHER ANGLE - CLOSE ON WEST AND VICTOR 21.
Excited miner's faces reflect the increasing excitement
they feel. Victor looks increasingly irritated throughout.
Another TOUGH-LOOKING MINER (JERRY) becomes quite
pugnacious about it as he brings his face close to Victor;
JERRY
What do you say to that!?
VICTOR
I say it doesn't prove out to a
hoot in the wind!
(sarcastically, bowing
to West)
Mr. West here is very capable in
a great many fields, but I doubt
that he's an expert on gems, and
that's what it would take to prove
that....
ARTEMUS' VOICE
I beg your pardon, but do you
mind not jiggling my arm?
CONTINUED
The Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 I-17
Rev. 8/15/66
21. CONTINUED 21.
CAMERA ANGLES and now, for the first time we see the
dapper, gray-bowlered figure at his side, dressed in
the smart hounds-tooth check suit--with the jeweler's
loupe inserted in place in his eye--deftly examining
one of the jewels West tossed on the bar. (NOTE: Artemus
and West play each other as total strangers).
VICTOR
Who--are you?
Without interrupting his examination of the jewel for an
instant, Artemus reaches into his inside coat pocket
with his free hand and comes up with a card that he extends
in Victor's direction.
VICTOR
(reading card aloud)
"Dirk De Jong--precious and
semi-precious gems purchased,
sold, and appraised."
(to Artemus--slowly)
You're an expert, eh?
ARTEMUS
(shrugging--eye still on gem)
Without a peer.
As he speaks, he whips out brass, torch-like affair with
a magnifying lens mounted on gimbels off to one side--
he deftly lights the alcohol torch and, even as he
speaks, he examines the jewels through the now-illuminated
magnifying glass, holding them with jewel's forceps.
WEST
Quite a coincidence, you being
here, Mr. De Jong.
ARTEMUS
Yes, isn't it:
(looking up)
I've got disappointing news for
the owner of these, whoever that is...
VICTOR
(a wintry smile at the miners)
Go on, Mr. De Jong.
ARTEMUS
(holding up a stone)
This is definitely not a first-class
diamond; two-thousand,--twenty two
hundred dollars tops, is all it
would fetch...
CONTINUED
The Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 I-18
Rev. 8/19/66
21. CONTINUED 21.
There is a stunned reaction, followed by another BABBLE
OF VOICES from the miners. Victor whirls around, hands
raised high.
VICTOR
Hold it, men, hold it!
(to Artemus)
What about the others?
ARTEMUS
The ruby isn't of the first water,
either.
(shrugging)
The market being what it is, you'd
be lucky to get three thousand...
Again an excited outburst of MINER'S BABBLE. Victor
waves peremptory hands to quiet them.
VICTOR
Quiet!
(to Artemus)
Go on...
ARTEMUS
The other two sapphires --
(shaking his head)
You'll never see more than eight
hundred apiece for them.
(as he pockets his (X)
equipment)
Good day, gentlemen.
And nodding cheerily to the excited-eyed miners on every (X)
hand, Artemus exits.
Victor scoops up the jewels, cradles them reverently in
his hands, no longer trying to conceal his excitement,
then addresses the miners:
VICTOR
Listen, men, I think we're on to
something big! There must be a
couple of million dollars worth
of jewels strung on the dresses
alone of those three...
He trails off, as if unable to bring himself to say
"venusians" then he turns to West, quietly sipping his
drink througout:
VICTOR (CONT'D)
Three what, Mr. West? You're a
fast man with an answer...
CONTINUED
The Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 I-19
Rev. 8/19/66
21. CONTINUED 21.
WEST
(dead-pan)
Let's say 'three out-of-town'
visitors!
A CHORUS of EXCITED LAUGHTER breaks out, which Victor
waves down.
VICTOR
Okay, okay! There's three out-of-
town visitors out there in the
canyon -- they need a few measly
hundred pounds of gold for their
rig -- and they've got nothing
but diamonds, and emeralds and
rubies to barter for it!
More OUTBURST, which Victor quells with his upraised hands.
VICTOR (CONT'D)
From where I stand it looks like
we can make a deal with those three
heavenly graces, and while we're
at it, make more money than we ever...
SIMON'S VOICE (X)
They are evil!
CAMERA ANGLES to show Simon raising his face from his (X)
sprawled out attitude on the table. As he struggles to
lift himself up and get to his feet:
SIMON (CONT'D) (X)
Let no one be deceived by their
color -- for green is the color
of evil!
Again an answering chorus of CATCALLS and BOOS break out (X)
from the miners, and over it all, the THUNDEROUS VOICE
of Simon BOOMS out:
SIMON (CONT'D)
They are evil, I tell you! Their
arrival from outer space is evil --
their purpose is evil...
And now, grinning broadly, the bartender comes up to Simon (X)
with a bottle and pours a slug into Simon's glass, as if
this is an old, old story. And, almost with a reflex motion
Simon picks up the glass, drains it, then:
SIMON (CONT'D) (X)
...they -- must -- be -- destroyed...!
The Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 I-20
Rev. 8/23/66
21. CONTINUED 21.
Before the last syllables have passed his lips, Hell-fire
Simon's head droops forward and he returns to his inert,
slumped-over position on the table.
21A. ANOTHER ANGLE - AT BAR 21A.(X)
as West sets his empty glass down, nods distantly at Victor
and the others, and, after tossing a coin on the bar counter,
heads for the door, CAMERA FOLLOWING -- the CAMERA ANGLES BACK
to Simon slumped over the table -- MOVES IN CLOSE to show
that one of Simon's eyes is open, and staring after the now
departed West.
21B. EXT. GLORY HOLE MAIN STREET - NIGHT 21B.
CAMERA MOVES with West as he strolls along the empty street,
until we see him pause before a tobaccanist's shop, as
signified by the large, wooden Indian statue. As West leans
against the wooden Indian and looks over the shop window, we
HEAR him MURMUR:
WEST
Didn't you overdo the gem expert bit
with those inflated prices you were
reeling off?
CAMERA MOVES OVER and now we can see that Artemus is
inconspicuously tucked away on the other side of the wooden
Indian. Artemus, as he continues to look over the shop
merchandise on his side:
ARTEMUS
(barely moving his lips)
James, my boy, I know enough about the
glittering stuff to tell you this --
those gems are the real McCoy!
A long beat as West digests this, staring sightlessly at the
window, then he nods thoughtfully.
WEST
Of course; it figures that whoever is
running this fleecing game would prime
the s*ckers that way...
ARTEMUS
Listen, your telegram mentioned a
flying pie-plate, whatever that is...
WEST
(grimly)
All part of the treatment, Artie--
you'll see it, in due time.
Feigning a yawn, West turns and walks off.
The Night of the Flying Pie Plate #0302 I-21
Rev. 8/19/66
22. OMIT 22.
23. ANOTHER ANGLE 23.
West walks along the deserted street, lost in thought.
As he passes an area where two buildings are a few
feet apart, he hears a low MOAN. He cannot see who or
what is making it; he hears it repeated, then moves in,
between buildings, to investigate.
24. EXT. ALLEYWAY - MED. SHOT 24.
Calico, Jerry and the third man all jump West at the
same time. He reacts quickly enough to keep from
getting clobbered by a club, then flattens the gunman
wielding it, turns and doubles Calico over with a body
blow, slamming him against the building. Jerry
manages to slug toe to toe with West, but is going
down from West's heavier punches when Calico, recovered,
comes up behind West and fells him with a blow from his
pistol barrel.
JERRY
(gasping for breath)
Load him on his horse.
He and Calico bend, pick up the unconscious West;
CAMERA HOLDS ON West's face, and we FREEZE FRAME to
END OF ACT ONE