TNOT Returning Relative

[Nydiva]

Here she is - Great Aunt Maude in the flesh. Dedicated to the memory of Imogene Coca - who, I think, would have loved to play this chacter.

TNOT Returning Relative

“Great jumping balls of St. Elmo’s fire!” Artemus Gordon stood with a stunned expression, clutching the telegraph message he had just transcribed.

“Artemus, what wrong? You’ve turned pale.”

Numbly, Artie handed over the paper to his fellow agent. Jim read it aloud.

“Proceed to Washington to escort Mrs. Maude G. Primrose to Chicago to meet with recently-established ruler of united principalities of Romania, Alexander Cuza. Maude Primrose is former teacher and long-time friend and will be crucial in helping cement relations with newly-assimilated principalities of Moldavia and Walachia. Mrs. Primrose to be treated with utmost deference and respect.”

“So it’s a reunion of two old friends. A simple diplomatic escort mission. Sounds pretty tame to me. Can‘t think there‘d be much trouble with some elderly teacher by the name of Primrose.”

Seeing Artie wince at every mention of the lady’s name, Jim finally asked. “I take it you know her. So who’s Maude Primrose anyway?”

“Maude G. Primrose. Maude Gordon Primrose.” Artie choked out the name.

“Gordon? You mean that’s your Great Aunt Maude? She’s real?”

“All too real,” sighed Artie. “Don’t get me wrong, James. I love her; she basically raised me. But she’s...well...she can be...” he paused to groan, “you’ll see.”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Artemus stood on the Union Station platform, waiting for the train’s arrival from New York. He carried a huge bouquet of roses and wore an apprehensive fixed grin on his face. He kept tugging at the collar of his shirt and re-straightening his tie. Jim watched his nervous companion with amusement. Finally, Artie pointed and spoke.

“There..there she is.” said Artie with a quaver in his voice.

“Where?”

The crowd parted to reveal a tiny, bird-like creature with a very determined stride. She was followed by a line of dazed-looking porters, toting mounds of luggage. With an imperious flick of her hand, Mrs. Primrose dismissed the agent who escorted her from New York. The frazzled man swiftly departed.

Jim couldn’t help but smile at his first glimpse of the famous Gordon matriarch. She was, at best, what one could call eccentric looking. She wore an unusual hairstyle (what today we would call a short bob). Her hair was flaming red; and her outfit was equally flamboyant - brilliantly (and somewhat clashingly) colored and liberally adorned with feathers, ruffles and ribbons.



Artie rushed forward, finally managing to find his voice and call out.

“Aunt Maude, over here!”

The lady’s head immediately turned to the sound. Slightly protuberant eyes peered myopically. Then a wide grin flitted across her imp-like visage.

“Artie-puss!” she bellowed at the top of surprisingly well-developed lungs. “My little neffie! Come give your Gammy a hug.” she demanded.

Artie hurried to comply as quickly as possible to stem any further embarrassing endearments. Jim watched the reunion, scarcely able to suppress his laughter at the incongruous pair. The tip of Maude Primrose’s head barely reached Artie’s chest, yet there was no question she was the one squeezing Artie half to death.

Leaning slightly over Artie‘s shoulder, Jim softly smirked, “Artie-puss??!!”

“Thank your lucky stars you don’t have relatives to pin ridiculous names on you.” Artie hissed back.

“Oh, but I have a kid sister.” Jim murmured in reply.

Before Artie could absorb that new piece of information about his partner, his thoughts were interrupted by the petite dynamo in his arms.

“Now let me look at you. Stand up straight! Hmmm, well... Your collar needs more starch and I’d have chosen a different color tie.”

“Yes, Aunt...”

“I assume those flowers are for me? Well, get on with it!”

Artie gave his Aunt a deep, formal bow and presented the bouquet. As she gathered the lavish offering into one arm, she reached out with the other and pulled Artie forward by the ear. “And you could also use a haircut.” she added sternly. Then she winked and kissed him on the tip of his nose.

“Aunt Maude, you haven’t changed a bit!” Artie echoed her laughter and heaved a tenuous sigh of relief.

“But you’re not so grown up that you can’t still call me Gammy!”

“Gammy?” a puzzled voice interrupted.

“Great Aunt Maude.” Artie replied, emphasizing the initial letters. “Gammy for short.” he explained, then turned to make introductions.

“Aunt Maude, um, Gammy, this is my associate James West.”

“How do you...” Jim was summarily interrupted before he could complete the sentence.

“Good. Make yourself useful. Hold these.” She promptly thrust the roses into Jim’s arms and also handed over a carpet bag of such weight that it momentarily threw him slightly off balance.

“My, you’re a strong one, I see. Nice. Very nice.” She eyed James in a frankly appraising manner he might have welcomed - had she been 50 or so years younger! He found himself squirming under her close scrutiny. Artie merely raised his eyebrows in an “I told you so” expression at Jim’s discomfort.

“Let’s get you settled in. This way.” Artie offered Maude his arm and they led the procession, trailed by Jim and a line of laden porters, to the siding where the Wanderer awaited its new passenger.

“Artie-mouse, would you...” began Aunt Maude, indicating the porters awaiting their tips.

“James, could you...” Artie countered, making a show of escorting his Aunt into the Varnish car.

“Oh, they’re related, all right,” Jim muttered to himself as he dug for a suitable amount of coins.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Further proof of Artie’s relation to his “Gammy” was evidenced as Maude matched Artie and Jim drink for drink. She barely batted an eye as bottles of champagne were uncorked and poured; and she showed no effects of alcohol whatsoever. Jim was beginning to wonder just how much liquid one tiny frame could contain.

And darned if she didn’t trounce them both in several hands of poker, gleefully scooping her winnings into the reticule that never left her wrist for a moment. As if that wasn’t bad enough, Maude had taken to calling Jim “Stud” for his zeal for the game. He would have resented the loss of nearly a month’s wages if Maude hadn’t been so amusing with her stories of Artie’s childhood. Artie wasn’t as tickled.

“Oh, neffie here was always the show off. I remember the time he was determined to get the lead in his school play. He did too - but as Juliet, not Romeo.”

Over Jim‘s guffaws, Artie pointedly added, “As was the custom in Shakespeare’s time, female leads were played by boys. I was merely carrying out that noble tradition.”

“And my Artie-miss was quite lovely, too, I might add. Gets his looks from my side of the family.” Aunt Maude snorted in laughter. But the laughter was abruptly halted by a sudden lurch of the train.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Outside, at a discreet distance away, a small figure observed his manufactured rock slide and the train’s subsequent halt with satisfaction.

“That should necessitate a trip into town and a perfect opportunity to separate that insignificant biddy from her lunk-headed bodyguards.” he remarked. “Then it will be child’s play to relieve her of the materiel I want.” He turned towards his tall companion and continued, “Imagine the temerity of the US Government to think someone of my genius could be fooled by using a frail, old woman as a cover.“ The response was a mute nod of agreement.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jim, Artie and the train’s engineer surveyed the pile of boulders and rubble.

“Not going to be too much trouble getting this cleared, though we’ll have to wait till morning. Toledo‘s not far from here at all; we‘ll have no problem getting the equipment and helpers we‘ll need.” Orrin Cobb announced.

“Toledo!” exclaimed Artie with a pleased ring in his voice. “I know it well; I trod the boards there many a time. There’s a restaurant that serves the most exquisite after dinner brandy - and their floor show!” Artie pressed his fingers to his lips and flung a kiss into the air in a Gallic expression of approval.

“What are we waiting for?” Jim grinned back.

“To begin with, you’re waiting for me!” piped up female voice. “You two aren’t gallivanting off leaving me stuck in this cracker box in the wilderness. I‘m spending the night in a nice, big civilized hotel room! I was planning to stop off to visit a friend I used to know in New York, anyway. Now hitch up a carriage and let‘s get going!”

As Orrin rushed to make the preparations, Maude once again thrust the heavy carpetbag into Jim’s arms.

“What does she have in here, anyway? Bricks?” Jim protested sub rosa to Artie, trying to shift the weighty burden.

“James, my boy, don’t fight it; it’s easier to just go along. Believe me!” Artie sighed and assisted Maude into the carriage.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Artie’s first semi-consciousness thought the next morning was that someone was firing a cannon salvo to knock down the door of the room he and James shared. In his bed across the room, Jim was equally struggling to come to. Artie had been quite correct about the quality of the brandy.

“All right, you slug-a-beds...up and at ‘em!”, a now familiar voice called out in command. Before either agent could move, the door burst open and the redoubtable Maude G. Primrose entered in her typically forward manner.

Bare-chested, Jim quickly pulled up the sheets for modesty’s sake. Artie, though in a nightshirt, followed suit.

“Oh for pity’s sake,” said Maude. “You have nothing to be ashamed of, Stud. At least as far as I can see! “ She cranned her neck slightly as she addressed Jim with a lascivious grin. For the first time in his life, Jim blushed scarlet.

“And Artie-butts - I’ve seen you running around with diapers drooping off your sweet little behind. Get over it.”

Actually, Artie got under it. He stuffed a pillow into his mouth and dove under the covers to keep from screaming.

“You’ve got five minutes to get dressed - and I’ve got all morning planned for shopping. Move!” With that, the whirlwind temporarily departed.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

[Nydiva]

Several weary hours later, two weary agents were reluctantly traipsing after their seemingly tireless charge. Both were making wry faces behind her back as they struggled to see where they were going over the piles of beribboned boxes stacked in their aching arms.

They lurched up in front of yet another shop. A gaily painted sign read “Shirley’s Sundries”, and the window was crowded with hats, frilly corsets and other rather prominently displayed unmentionables. Jim and Artie eyed the shop with dread.

“I saved the best for last.” Maude announced gleefully. Shirley is the old friend from New York I was telling you about. And one of the best milliners in the business. We used to spend hours and hours and hours together, trying on hats and talking.”

“Hours and hours...” sighed Artie, rolling his eyes.

“Trying on hats...” Jim groaned.

“Aunt Maude...,” Artie began. At a sharp glance from the formidable lady, he amended it to “Gammy”.

“Better.” Came the terse reply.

“I think we should see how Orrin’s doing with the rockslide. This way you can spend as much uninterrupted time as you like with your friend.”

“Trying to escape, eh?” replied Maude with a knowing grin. “That’s okay boys; you two were cramping my style anyway! Just bring the packages back to the hotel and we’ll meet later.”

Secure in the knowledge that their charge would be spending an innocuous afternoon with a trusted friend, the two agents lost no time in fleeing!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The bell above the shop’s door tinkled merrily, followed by a loud door slam. Maude was never the one to make a quiet entrance.

A pleasingly plump, middle-aged lady scurried out from behind the counter.

“Maude! How divine to see you. I just put on a fresh pot of tea and I baked those cookies you were so fond of.”

The two old friends warmly embraced and settled themselves in plush, velvet chairs on either side of a merrily-crackling fireplace.

“It looks like you’ve done very well for yourself out here.” Maude observed.

“Well, it ain’t New York: but then again there’s not much competition. Remember the time when Harriet Simmons opened her shop on Hester Street...” The two were off and running with their reminiscences.

After a while, Maude consulted the small watch pinned on her lapel. “Shirley, this has been lovely, but...”

“Oh, where is my head? I have something very special for you. I’ll have my new girl fetch it.” She called out towards a doorway in the rear of the shop, “Lizzy, bring the bonnet I’ve set aside.”

A pert red-headed girl, emerged from the back of the shop. Her intelligent hazel eyes widened just the slightest bit as her gaze met Maude‘s. She presented the hat with a flourish, her hand lightly caressing the ribbon that encircled the crown.

“Lovely, just lovely,” cooed Maude. “But, Shirley, could you get a purple feather, a big one, instead of the yellow? You know the exact shade I want.”

“Of course, Maude dear.” Shirley knew that any request from Maude Primrose was to be complied with immediately and she hurried off to locate the item.

During the scant minutes while the proprietress was in the workroom, a whispered conversation was held.

“Darling girl, it IS you! What a marvelous surprise! What has it been? Five, six years? But you‘re all grown up now. What are you doing here?” Maude bubbled over with delight as she rushed to envelop the now beaming girl in her patented vice-grip hug.

“Just completing the last of the ‘training requirements’ before I’m formally assigned to a team. I head back to Washington after this to receive final orders.” Her bright eyes glowed in anticipation. “The papers are under the hat band. They rechecked and revised the formula’s specifications.” she added, reciprocating the hug with enthusiasm.



Maude rapidly removed and studied the papers as the conversation continued.

“So you did take my advice on your career choice. And you got them to agree. Well, I couldn’t be prouder of you if you were my own.” said Maude, getting a little misty-eyed.

“What better example could I possibly have had to follow?” the girl replied with equally fond sentiment.

“Smart girl. Always said you were. So pretty too. You know...” Maude continued with a glint in her eyes, “I have this nephew...”

That thought was interrupted by the sound of the proprietress’ footsteps. The two quickly parted. Maude slipped the papers into her reticule and stationed herself in front of the mirror. The girl hovered over her, helping her adjust the towering confection of the hat.

“Oh yes, that’s just what I wanted.” Maude chirped, happily eyeing the tall plume. “Just stick it in, and I’m all set.”

After a few more moments of fond farewells with Shirley, Maude swept out of the shop to the same tinkling bell and door slam. She didn’t make quiet exits either.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Strutting like a contented peacock, Maude made her way back to the nearby hotel. She was noticed by a number of eyes, and not only for the massive chapeau perched precariously on her head.

“Confound that woman! I still haven’t been able to get a good look at her.” grumbled one of the occupants of a closed carriage. “Well, don’t just sit there - follow her to her room and bring her and her belongings back to the laboratory. Carefully, mind you.”

Despite his size, the giant unobtrusively trailed the unsuspecting grand dame. He tapped with surprising gentleness on her door.

Maude opened the door. Her eyes hit just above the level of a large man‘s large belt buckle. She looked up. Her exclamation of “Great jumping balls...” was cut off by a hood thrust over her head. Despite her ferocious wriggling, he easily tucked her under one arm and gathered the carpetbag under the other.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Doctor Miguelito Loveless gloated as his tall henchman started to remove the hood that obscured Maude’s face.

“Well, my good woman. You really didn’t think you could fool me. I‘ll have those special compounds and the completed notes on the formula.”

Voltaire finished removing the hood and rapidly backed away, having already been subjected to more of Maude’s well-aimed kicks than his throbbing shins liked.

Then Miguelito gasped in shock! “Ab...ab...Abuelita! You look just like my Abuelita!”

“Who’re you calling granny, Sonny Boy? And where are your manners? Offer a lady refreshments!” It was not a request.

“You sound like my Abuelita as well!” muttered the stunned Doctor.

Under Maude’s demanding gaze, and much to his own surprise, Miguelito found himself filling a tea pot and preparing to play host.

“Allow me to properly introduce myself,” he began suavely “I am Doctor Migue...”

“Skip it, Sonny Boy. And put a little Irish in that tea.”

“Madam, I detest spirits. They make a man less than human.”

“Then it‘s a good thing I‘m not a man, Sonny Boy!”

In the background, Voltaire was doing his best not to snicker at the appellation Maude seemed determined to bestow on his employer.

Maude favored him with a sharp glance. “And what are you laughing at, Big Britches?” Big Britches quickly and quietly made himself scarce.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“This isn’t good.” said Jim, surveying the damaged track as the last of the large boulders was levered off.

“We’ll have to send to town again for a section of rail.” agreed Orrin. “Good thing we can back the Wanderer off on that abandoned mine track. That‘ll give us more room to make repairs.”

“I just hope Gam...um, Aunt Maude isn’t getting too anxious waiting.” mused Artie.

“You worry too much Artie. She’ll be fine. Everything’s been perfectly quiet - especially in comparison to her!!”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

For the moment, Maude was perfectly quiet; her busy little brain was hatching plans.

“Now, my dear lady,” began the good Doctor.

“That’s Mrs. Primrose, to you.”

“Mrs. Primrose,” Miguelito echoed cautiously. “If you would be so kind as to hand over the compounds and the notes on the formula, things will be much easier on you.”

“I never was the one to take the easy way out, Sonny Boy.”

“Then I’ll just have to take them for myself. Voltaire, search her bag.”

Under Maude’s disapproving glare, Voltaire gingerly opened the carpetbag and blushed mightily as he lifted out a frilly pair of bloomers. Two smallish packets of glittering powder fell from beneath the folds. Miguelito snatched them up triumphantly.

“Why is this bag still so full?“”

“A lady has her necessities,” huffed Mrs. Primrose. “Would you care to look any further?” she added in a tone that firmly discouraged subsequent intrusion. Thus the remaining supply of compounds lay undisturbed, swaddled in a lady’s unmentionables!

“And now, where is the formula?” he added.

Defiantly, Maude grabbed her reticule and swiftly thrust it into the protection of her bodice.

‘Voltaire get that reticule.“

“Yes, come and get it - if you dare!”

Voltaire took a half step towards the tiny terror and then lost his nerve. In his haste to back away, he tripped over his own feet and landed, cowering, behind his even smaller leader.

Miguelito pondered doing the deed himself for a brief moment, then wisely relented.

“Very well. Since the professor merely assisted me with the formula, I can complete the process without his notes. I only wanted to check their accuracy.” huffed Doctor Loveless. He turned and stomped into his laboratory.

Mrs. Primrose followed. “Not a bad setup, Sonny Boy.” she said disarmingly. “You could use a couple more burners and longer tubing to speed up viscosity, but still not bad considering.” She turned an approving smile on him.

Miguelito was totally disconcerted. His Abuel...Mrs. Primrose seemed right at home with all the scientific equipment. Shrugging both mentally and physically, he began preparations. He filled a beaker with fluid and then reached for a pipette, only to find it placed in his hand by Mrs. Primrose.

“The quicker we do this; the quicker I can get out of here.” She smiled again; he felt a not altogether unpleasant tingle on the back of his neck.

Dr. Loveless continued. He added a small amount of reactive agent and then turned to weigh an amount of the first compound - only to find it correctly measured and waiting.

“What do you say?“ prompted Aunt Maude.

“Thank you, Mrs. Primrose.“ He felt as if he was back in his grandmother’s kitchen, having just been given a cookie.

Miguelito began to measure the second of the two chemicals.

“Hold on, Sonny Boy. I know a thing or two about chemicals. You’re getting the proportions wrong. This has to be liquified and heated first before combining it with the rest. No, no - too fast. You don’t want the mixture to boil. Just simmer. And furthermore...”



“Abuel...Madam...Mrs. Primrose...” Miguelito sputtered, driven to distraction. “I MUST have quiet!”

“Don’t you talk back to me, Sonny Boy!!”

The two locked stares for a long minute. Miguelito was the first to blink! Frustrated, embarrassed, and completely out of patience, he scuttled over to a bell pull and summoned his massive minion.

Mrs. Primrose swiftly took advance of that brief moment when his back was turned, and poured just the correct minute amount of her spiked tea into the mixture. “That should do the trick,” she chuckled to herself. “He’ll get a little more ‘boom’ - and quite a bit sooner than he expects!”

Miguelito turned back to face the picture of benevolent innocence. She unleashed another potent smile. He melted. Instead of ordering her locked away, he sighed and gave instructions.

“Voltaire, escort Mrs. Primrose to Sandusky. She can catch a train to Toledo from there. And hurry back!”

Maude glared warningly.

“Of course I’ll pay the fare. First class.” Miguelito hastily added.

“That’s better. Toodle-loo, Sonny Boy.” She snatched her carpetbag, smiled mischievously, and then stooped to kiss Doctor Loveless lightly on the tip of his nose.

Dr. Loveless’s face was a study in changing emotions - shock, disbelief, confusion, relief - and just a little bit of wistfulness.

“Dear lady, I will never forget our time together...{{{{slight shudder}}}}} NEVER!” Miguelito sputtered out, nonplussed.

“Well what are you waiting for? Get the lead out.“ Maude barked to Voltaire.

Voltaire gently escorted Maude into the carriage and they set off. A few minutes later, a loud noise caused Voltaire to lift his head and look back.

“Eyes on the road!” snapped Maude. “I’ve wasted enough time today, thank you!”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

[Nydiva]

The mismatched pair arrived at a nearly-deserted station. Stacks of crates and several very large pieces of luggage waited forlornly on the platform. Maude squared her shoulders and marched briskly to the ticket window, followed meekly by Voltaire.

“And just what is going on here? What’s all this stuff piled about; and, more important, when’s the next train?”

The clerk sighed in resignation.

“I’m sorry, ma’am. A rockslide just got cleared up and the trains are having to go express to get back on schedule. They’re skipping this stop and going straight to Toledo.”

“Then, how am I supposed to get to Toledo from here?” Maude testily asked.

“Iffen you’re in a hurry, most folks hired out at the livery.”

“Very well, arrange for a carriage and driver. Immediately. Well, what are you waiting for?!”

“All the carriages are already out. You’ll have to wait for one to get back.”

“Now see here...” Maude began, looking pretty much like she was about to boil over.

“Sorry again ma’am.“ The clerk took one look at her and wisely drew down the shutters.

“This won’t do!” Then an excited grin fitted across her face, as she mused. “The trains may not stop here, but they’ll have to slow down when they pass the station.” she muttered to herself. Then she turned to address Voltaire.


“Okay, Big Britches. I’ve got one final job for you.”

Voltaire bent down to receive his instructions. His eyes widened and he shook his head vigorously in protest. After a few more sharp words from Maude, he reluctantly nodded.

Not long afterwards, they heard the shrill whistle of an approaching train. Maude settled her hat snugly on her head and looped the carpetbag firmly over one arm. Just as the front of the train was a few yards from where they stood, Maude shouted one word: “NOW!”

Voltaire instantly scooped Maude up in his arms, and, with a look of sheer terror, hurled her towards the front of the train. The tiny woman sailed through the air with arms outflung - and - sure enough - caught onto the cowcatcher with a firm grip!!

A delighted “Wheeeeeee!!” trailed back to Voltaire from a lady neither he nor his master would ever forget.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“That’s about finished.” announced Orrin Cobb. Then a whistle was heard in the distance. “As soon that train passes, we should be able to get back on the main track.”

“It took a lot longer than we anticipated. I hope Aunt Maude is all right.” Artie said.

“The old gal is probably just taking a nap.” Jim reasoned. “She’s bound to get tired SOME time.”

“I wouldn’t bet on it!”

They all watched as the train approached at full throttle. Unlikely as it was, it appeared that a small figure was perched on the cowcatcher. In a blink, the train roared by.

“YAHOOOOOOOO!” A triumphant cry echoed back to them.

“What was that?” gaped Orrin Cobb.

“It looked like...” began Artie, shaking his head in disbelief.

“It couldn’t be!” Jim interjected, his eyes bulging in shock.

“It could - but I don’t think I want to know!!” Artie concluded.




When the Wanderer pulled into Toledo station, the two agents were greeted by the sight of Great Aunt Maude, primly seated on a bench on the platform, nonchalant but impatient.

“Well, it took you lollygaggers long enough. We‘d better shove off right away.”

The rest of the trip to Chicago was uneventful. The two agents took full advantage of their layover in Chicago while Mrs. Primrose completed her diplomatic task.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“Mrs. Primrose, I don’t know how to thank you.” said the Romanian ruler. “Now that I have the formula and compounds, my diplomatic immunity will make it easy to quietly deliver them to Professor Neilsen to finalize their development. This new explosive should prove a boon to construction and mining in both Europe and your country. No one else but you could have managed to get these into my safe hands with such secrecy.”

“Piece of cake Ally. Speaking of which - offer a lady refreshments!”

“But of course, dear lady. I know your fondness for Viennese pastry.” replied “Ally”.

A large serving cart was wheeled in and the dear lady set to with a will.

The two talked long into the night, with the distinguished ruler taking further advice from Maude like an obedient schoolchild. Even heads of state knew to heed every word from the wise, elderly matron!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The trip back to Washington was uneventful. Except for another month’s wages lost to the lady cardsharp.

Aside from the card game, the only other hitch was Aunt Maude unexpectedly turning matchmaker. Artie had to admit to himself, he was a little intrigued by Maude‘s glowing description; but he managed to deflect, for the moment anyway, any commitment to meet Maude’s “darling girl”.

“We’ll see.” Maude muttered under her breath. “We’ll just see!”

Jim just grinned and went along for the ride, urging Orrin “full throttle ahead”.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*



Epilogue

A few days later, in a very famous house in Washington, a small woman in a large feathered hat waited outside an office. Her ears strained to catch scraps of a conversation from within.

“Manolo...Southwest...pick up...West...Gordon to meet the train.”

The door opened and a high-ranking officer hurried away. Then a distinguished bearded man came out to greet her.

“Sorry to keep you waiting, dear Mrs. Primrose.” he apologized hastily. “Please come in. Sit down. So, what do you think of the new team?”

“They’re a little green right now. But they have a lot of potential. It’s a good pairing. Neffie and Stud should do just fine.” she answered.

“Neffie and...Stud?!!” the President choked out the last word.

“I call ‘em as I see ‘em.” Maude answered with a grin.

“However,” she continued, “they could use someone with good intuition and common sense. I have just the girl in mind. And she’s ready to be assigned, too!”

“Girl? But...”

“Oh hush and listen.” Maude retorted.

President Grant’s eyes bulged as Maude told him the code name by which she knew the girl.

“How do you know HER?”

“It’s pretty remarkable; but when she was still a tiny little thing, far too young, but wise beyond her years, she was a conductor on the Underground Railroad. My home in New York was one of the way stations.”

“Mrs. Primrose...”

“I didn’t know her well, our meetings were always brief. But I could tell she’s got bravery and heart to spare. She handled seeing me again unexpectedly without a blink, and...”

“Mrs. Primrose...”

“Now Uly, I know she just finished training; but she really didn’t even need it.” Maude paused and a fond smile crossed her pleasantly homely face. “Besides, I want her to meet my neffie!”

“I...”

“Uly!”

“I...I...yes, of course, Mrs. Primrose. I’ll take care of it right away.”

“Good boy. I may even vote for you next time!” She popped out of her chair and quickly planted a kiss on the nose of the startled President.

“Thank you, Mrs. Primrose.” he sputtered.

“Well, I must be getting back to New York now. Wanamaker's is having a sale I don’t want to miss!” She sailed out the door without a backward glance.

The President shook his head ruefully. One persistent redhead down, another to go. He wondered if he would survive the day. Taking a deep breath, he opened the door to another room on the opposite side and greeted its occupant.

The pert girl met him with an eager smile. She got right to the point.

“NOW are you ready to send me out?”

Even at this point, President Grant was tempted to demur. She had faced so much adversity in the service of the government already. But something in the girl’s eyes, something very determined and slightly imperious, something that reminded him all too much of his last visitor, convinced him for once and for all to give both resolute redheads their way.

He saw the joy in her eyes as he finally nodded his acquiescence.

“Here are your orders. Your brother will receive a telegram from you. The Wanderer will be stopping off at San Antonio on the way to Quemada...”

~Fin~