Post by Nydiva on Mar 3, 2012 16:18:01 GMT -8
The Night of the Inferno
Opening credits:
James West walking
Karate chopping robber
Drawing on card cheater
Shooting ambusher with sleeve gun
Kissing woman assassin till she swoons
The Wild Wild West title
Side of train: starring Robert Conrad as Jim West
Rear of train: and Ross Martin as Artemus Gordon
Puff of smoke as train recedes: introducing Angela Wallis as Lissa West
It’s a miserable stormy night at a secluded train depot. A disheveled solider (Artemus Gordon
in disguise) is muttering to himself, when he sees a heavily guarded US Army stagecoach. After being brushed off by the officer in charge, he proffers his bottle to the stagecoach driver in hope of gathering information. The driver tells the Artie that a prisoner is being transported and identifies him as James T. West, a renegade and deserter who is slated for hanging.
A train pulls in and a handcuffed man emerges. He is in his late 20’s and very handsome. Artie taunts him as he passes, cackling in a high-pitched voice and miming a hanging. Jim is thrust into the stagecoach, which then arrives at a town. He is escorted into a room where President Ulysses S. Grant welcomes him warmly. He praises Jim as his finest underground intelligence officer and instructs Colonel Shea to brief Jim on a vital assignment.
Juan Manolo, a guerilla general in the Southwest Territories is spreading his ruthless grip over the land. Since U.S. army force involvement may precipitate war with Mexico, Jim will pose as a rich dandy with his private train.
Jim is happily ensconced in the luxurious train and makes a stop to pick up a fellow traveler. It is Artemus Gordon, now out of disguise and dressed in a nondescript drummer’s suit. He is slightly older than Jim, with thick, dark hair and a striking, slightly weathered face. Jim briefs Artie on the assignment. The two agents begin a friendly game of pool as they discuss their strategy. Artie is to find and neutralize the weapons cache and Jim is to deliver Juan Manolo to the authorities.
JW: Artie, one more thing. We need to make a short stop on our way.
AG: And why is that?
JW: To see my kid sister. I haven’t seen her in years.
AG: You never mentioned her before.
JW: She’s been in a bunch of boarding schools. She’s a bright little tyke - goes through her studies in half the time then moves onto another school.
AG: A little bookworm, huh?
JW: Yeah, but a really sweet kid. I remember she’d always tag along after me. Got me out of a few scrapes too. She’d look up with those pleading eyes and I usually got off easy.
AG: Sounds like a very useful sister.
JW: She was good about being teased, too. “Missy Lissy prim and prissy; little sister but big sissy.”
AG: Lissy?
JW: Short for Melissandre. Too big a name for such a bitty girl.
AG: Well, just don’t expect me to baby-sit.
JW: It’ll only be few hours’ visit; but I can’t pass this close by and not see her.
They resume the pool game and return to the initial subject. As Artie is about to take a shot, Jim quickly stops him and points out the unique properties of that particular ball. It’s an explosive device. The cue sticks hold concealed weapons as well.
The private train has pulled into a siding at a depot. Jim and Artie are waiting at the main platform. Artie is carrying a huge rag doll. Jim looks at him in amusement.
JW: Artie, I don’t think your companion is up to your usual standards.
AG: Very funny. I just wanted to make the little tyke welcome.
A train pulls in and Artie hunches down behind the doll. Quick, soft footsteps are heard and a delighted shout of “Lissy” from Jim. Artie speaks in a high-pitched voice from behind the doll.
AG: Well hello there Missy Lissy. I’ve come to be your friend and so is Uncle Artie who’s right behind me.
An amused and definitely adult voice answers.
LW: Actually I prefer Lissa. And I think Artie will do as well.
Startled, Artie drops the doll and looks up. Jim is standing with his arm around a young woman (of perhaps 18), who looks down, barely holding in her laughter. She is on the short side of medium height. A white flower is tucked in her bright auburn hair and she is dressed in a modest dark teal traveling outfit. Though not a great beauty, she projects a freshness and intelligence (with a tinge of mischief in her hazel eyes) that is very appealing.
AG: (stammering) Um, oh, ah. Jim, just how old did you say your sister was?
JW: (laughing) I didn’t.
LW: And a lady never tells.
Artie starts to shake her hand, but changes his mind and bestows a gallant hand kiss. Lissa beams while Jim looks on protectively.
The scene changes to the interior of the train. The trio is now at loggerheads. Jim has just flung down a document onto the table in anger. Artie runs his hand through his hair. Lissa stands hands on hips; she is calm but her eyes hold a steely glint of determination all too familiar to Jim.
JW: No. No. No. This is ridiculous. I absolutely forbid it.
AG: I‘ve got to agree. It’s far too dangerous.
JW: Whose lame-brained idea was this anyway?
LW: Gentlemen. You have your orders and I have mine (points to the paper on the table). Note the signature. President Grant felt it would be beneficial to add a third agent to the team.
JW: How could you be an agent? You’re barely out of the schoolroom.
LW: Be that as it may; I’ve been very useful on numerous missions.
JW: Missions?! What missions?
LW: Highly classified ones. Let’s just say that my age and appearance enable me to go under cover in a variety of situations. No one pays much attention to a schoolgirl or a young servant. Of course I can also age up to an elderly lady. Disguises can be quite effective. (She gives a sideways grin to Artie whose jaw has dropped at the statement.)
JW: (resigned) Well, you can stay BUT on the train. No field work.
LW: At least not for the moment. I’ve brought some preliminary research you may find useful and I want to delve a little further, In the meantime (she pulls out sheaves of paper from her carpetbag, handing them to Jim and Artie)...maps of the area along with estimated number of troops and their deployment. A layout of the town, dossiers on some of the prominent citizens...
Artie quickly scans a document and breaks out into a grin.
AG: Bee-you-tee-ful. this will come in handy. See you in town, Jim.
As agreed, Artie departs to go under cover. Lissa goes to settle into her quarters and Jim begins to prepare his arsenal.
In the dressing room area of the compartment, he pulls down a rack of weapons and slips a knife into an inner pocket of his coat. Several pistols (including one up his sleeve) follow, as well as a small pick cleverly concealed in his lapel. He bids a casual farewell to the messenger pigeons nestled in their coop near the ceiling and mounts his horse for the last leg of the journey.
Lissa carefully notes his departure from the train window.
Jim arrives at a desolate town where the remainder of the population is leaving with their meager possessions. He hitches his horse in front of an establishment named Wing Fat. The proprietor sits, Buddha-like, in front smoking a pipe. Jim offers a filled coin pouch in exchange for information and is led into the shop.
Wing Fat suggests that Jim contact the owner of the local gambling establishment in order to arrange a meeting with Juan Manolo. It turns out that the owner (Lydia Monteran) is a prior acquaintance of Jim’s. As they leave, a scruffy Mexican helps Wing Fat into the carriage, groveling for a coin. As Jim hands it over, the man winks - it’s Artie in disguise, making his presence known.
Jim and Wing Fat arrive at an opulent gambling salon, where a cockatoo cackles “What’s your pleasure?” They are led upstairs to find the beautiful owner, an old acquaintance of Jim’s who is not entirely happy to see him. Especially since he had turned her over to authorities after foiling a scam she was running, After some banter, Jim gets down to business and asks her to arrange the meeting with Juan Manolo. Lydia denies any knowledge and orders Jim out of her house, backing up her request with a drawn gun. Jim is confident she won’t fire, but is proven wrong. Lydia fires several near misses and Jim ducks and scurries out of the room. Once he is gone, she proves her marksmanship by pinpointing bottles with precision.
It’s later at night and Jim is at a watering pump when Colonel Shea approaches him and explains that the situation is even more dire than anticipated, He gives Jim the chance to abort the assignment but Jim refuses. A sinister looking character watches them. Colonel Shea leaves. Artie then appears out of the shadows and they quietly fill each other in on their findings. There has been suspicious activity near the cemetery and they agree to meet there in an hour.
Jim rides off, but is observed by a shadowed figure. He arrives at the cemetery and dismounts. The rustle of a bush causes him to spin around with gun drawn. A woman’s voice comes from a few yards away.
LW: (emerging) Really Jim. I can’t believe you fell for the old “rock tossed into the bushes“.
JW: Lissa! What in the world are you doing here? You get back to the train immediately.
LW: I’ll stand guard with the horses here, but I won’t go back. Besides, I thought it couldn’t hurt to provide you with an additional diversion.
She hands him a small, white ball which he quickly stows in his holster. Jim proceeds into the cemetery while Lissa goes to tie up the horses out of sight. Artie arrives and whispers Jim’s name repeatedly. As he peers into the darkness, Lissa suddenly materializes behind him. He jumps.
AG: What are you doing?!
LW: Guarding the horses (she cuts off his protest with a raised hand) - and there’s no time to argue. Jim’s in the cemetery. It seems that wagons have been passing through there, and they’re lighter once they’ve passed.
AG: A lot of wagons are lighter once they pass through a cemetery.
LW: Not freight wagons. The wheel tracks (she points) are deeper going in than coming out. Jim’s waiting for you to join him.
Jim and Artie trail the wagon tracks to a large crypt door. They enter. Immediately inside there’s a pit full of deadly snakes.
JW: See anyone you know?
AG: The one with the blue eyes looks familiar.
Jim leaps upward onto a beam and swings across the pit. He slides a plank for Artemus to cross. They proceed through the tunnel and locate a door leading to a large arsenal in a cellar. As they continue their exploration, they hear a cockatoo squawking “What’s your pleasure?” and follow the sound to the gambling house salon. Jim tells Artie that “This one’s all mine” and Artie will meet him at the wagon.
Jim goes up the stairs to wait in Lydia’s room. She soon enters. Jim again confronts her about being in league with Juan Manolo. She resists his advances but is shaken when he tells her that her cellar contains an arsenal. Jim drags her downstairs to prove it.
As they stand examining the weaponry, Juan Manolo and his henchmen appear. They seize both Jim and Lydia (whom they bundle into a cell). Juan Manolo taunts Jim and reveals that he has had Colonel Shea killed. He has Jim roughed up and disarmed. Manolo brags of his plans for conquest regardless of cost to human lives. He receives a message and goes off to attend to business, leaving Jim in the not-so-tender care of thugs. Jim has been worked over and thrown into the cell to join Lydia. Though disarmed of his weapons, Jim is still in possession of the lock pick hidden in his lapel and a small derringer hidden in pieces in his boots. Jim quietly opens the cell door while Lydia stands watch.
With a muttered, “She’s never gonna let me forget this”, Jim retrieves the small ball Lissa had given him, waits for an opportune moment and hurls the smoke bomb. It proves effective and Jim is able to mount a surprise attack on the guards. During the confusion, Lydia has fled the cell and scrambled behind the cover of some barrels.
Hearing the gunfire, Artie races into the fray and picks off one of the guards. Unfortunately, another sentry wings Artie, who falls behind a barrel, while Jim continues to dispatch the guards.
Lissa emerges suddenly from the rear of the tunnel and flings herself down beside Artie. She gently shifts him to a sitting position against the barrel and quickly staunches the minor bleeding from his head wound. Seeing Artie rapidly regaining consciousness, she motions Lydia to leave by the tunnel.
Juan Manolo reappears at the top of the stairs, but Jim was waiting behind the doorway and captures him. Jim has Artie handcuff Manolo while he prepares to set off charges to destroy the arsenal. The fuse is lit and all hurry away. Outside Jim and Manolo are on horses and Artie is in the wagon with Lydia and Lissa beside him. Jim tells Artie to take care of the girls, adding to Lissa “I’ll deal with you later.”
They all leave just as the arsenal (along with Lydia’s house) blow sky high. Jim is first to arrive back at the train where he trusses Juan Manolo up in the dressing area. Jim tosses a globe into Manolo’s lap with a sardonic comment, “You wanted the world...here.“ Leaving Manolo, Jim enters the main compartment where he is surprised by Wing Fat and his henchmen. The henchmen quickly bring in Juan Manolo, who is protesting that he is still in shackles.
Jim realizes that Manolo is an imposter and that Wing Fat is the real Juan Manolo. The decoy was merely a general in Wing Fat’s army and is no longer useful; Wing Fat (Manolo) has the ersatz general executed. Juan Manolo is impressed by Jim’s deduction and inquires about the purpose of the meeting Jim had tried to arrange at the outset.
Jim, still playing his under-cover role, explains that he wanted to offer funds in exchange for a partnership in Manolo’s endeavors. Jim convinces Manolo to dismiss his thugs for the sake of privacy. Manolo complies but orders them to kill Artie and his companions when they arrive.
Jim quickly tries to negotiate, also offering his military expertise as a potential leader of armies. Manolo is intrigued and Jim asks, “What about Gordon and the girls?” Manolo will not give in on this point and tells Jim that they have caused too much trouble to be spared. But then Manolo admires the pool table and, since betting is an admitted weakness of his, Jim convinces him to wager the life of Artie and the girls against the outcome of a game. Jim slides the pool counter over and the game begins.
Outside, Artie has arrived and notices that a light is out on the train’s rear. He explains to the girls that it’s a signal from Jim indicating trouble. They dismount from the carriage and note the positions of the henchmen. Lydia takes cover, while Lissa crouches next to Artie.
AG: You get back there, too. Or Jim’s gonna kill me, or you, or the both of us.
LW: Let’s make sure Jim doesn’t get killed first, then worry about us later.
Lissa produces a handful of explosive balls from her pocket. Artie nods his surrender and takes aim with his rifle.
Inside, Jim “accidentally” overshoots and his ball falls off the table. As he goes to retrieve it, Jim switches the ball for the explosive one he had shown Artie earlier. Manolo is suspicious and draws a pistol on Jim, who springs into action. Jim hurls the explosive ball, followed by the cue stick sword. It hits the mark and Manolo is skewered.
Outside, Artie picks off the henchmen with a rifle while Lissa accurately hurls explosives to good effect. Their battle is won.
LW: (turning to Artie and smiling) See? I told you I was useful.
Manolo has been fatally wounded and Jim peels off his disguise to reveal the true face of Juan Manolo. The threat is over.
Later that evening, Artie has popped the cork on a celebratory bottle of champagne. Lydia appears in a dress lent her by Lissa, which is far too modest for Jim’s taste. Jim makes an adjustment by ripping off the high-collared bodice, while Artie looks on appreciatively. Not to be outdone, Lissa is clearly about to alter her own outfit, but is squelched by a hissed “Don’t you dare”, from Jim.
LW: (pouting) Spoilsport!!
Artie proffers champagne to Lydia, and, after a moment’s hesitation, to Lissa as well. Lissa quells Jim’s brotherly glare of objection with a warning glance of her own. Jim and Lydia settle into a long embrace, while Artie and Lissa exchange amused arched eyebrows. They clink their glasses and settle down companionably, as Artie lowers the shade and the train moves away into the night.